Search found 7 matches

by ted
November 19th, 2010, 3:51 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Query Critique Friday 11/19/10
Replies: 11
Views: 12197

Re: Query Critique Friday 11/19/10

Candida- The Making Of A Princess When twenty-seven year old Candida began pondering her place in the universe, she had this stopped me, because the present tense is typically used in queries...i.e. "begins pondering...she has no idea" no idea that her energy would attract Belial, the demon of destr...
by ted
October 29th, 2010, 1:15 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Page Critique Friday 10/29/10
Replies: 14
Views: 13974

Re: Page Critique Friday 10/29/10

I like the hard-hitting feel and vividness of this opening. Instead of defining his world and backstory, the protagonist provides a few environmental details and then spells out his situation: he's a Psi-Cop who has to deal with a rash of kidnapped girls. The voice is compelling, and phrases like "h...
by ted
October 22nd, 2010, 3:01 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Page Critique Friday 10/22/10
Replies: 9
Views: 12402

Re: Page Critique Friday 10/22/10

I like seeing the protagonist in motion to open the story. The first paragraphs paint the scene well and create an atmosphere of intensity and energy. We sense that this narrator is driven by something that will soon be identified, and that she won't be shy about confronting it. She's already overco...
by ted
October 1st, 2010, 2:01 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Page Critique Friday 10/1/10
Replies: 32
Views: 26273

Re: Page Critique Friday 10/1/10

I like that it's easy to visualize the opening scene: 30-year-old Kelly tentatively entering a house she's never seen that now belongs to her. I'd guess most readers assume that the narrator is her grandmother, but there's nothing in the text that rules out it being her grandfather. So I was left wo...
by ted
September 28th, 2010, 4:11 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 213
Views: 112799

Re: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Dear Mr. Bransford, …I fear I have been killed because of what happened today at Swains Lock. So begins the dried-out note that Vin Illick finds while scavenging planks from an abandoned shed near the old Chesapeake and Ohio Canal. It's signed by canal-hand Lee Fisher and dated 1924. Vin reads on: I...
by ted
September 24th, 2010, 3:26 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Query Critique Friday 9/24/10
Replies: 16
Views: 17318

Re: Query Critique Friday 9/24/10

I like the style and voice of the query, which is concise and readable. And the setup seems promising... the protagonist entering adulthood as he's dragooned onto a sky'ler ship, then challenged to use his skills and stone to steer toward two different goals (his and Sam's) while keeping a wary eye ...
by ted
July 7th, 2010, 5:31 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 720
Views: 261901

Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Title: SWAINS LOCK Genre: Suspense Word Count: 250 Prologue: Blood Pendant May, 1831 The two men sat on sloping rocks shaded by a Bear Island hackberry tree. Sweat trickled down their backs and foreheads and their reddened hands were streaked with dirt. Five hours of work on a spring morning had rai...