Search found 5 matches

by inkpen
May 16th, 2012, 6:14 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Suspense Query- The Verge
Replies: 8
Views: 2123

Re: Suspense Query- The Verge

Hi, everybody! (Dr. Nick Riviera voice...)

I posted a revision based on some of your suggestions. It's in the posting above this one. Any comments?
by inkpen
January 22nd, 2012, 6:50 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Suspense Query- The Verge
Replies: 8
Views: 2123

Re: Suspense Query- The Verge

I've taken some of the proffered advice for this next attempt- is this any better? __________________________________ In The Verge , a suspense at 86,000 words, Angela Sheppard has one thing on her mind- revenge for the death of her only friend. Twenty years ago in Boston, a young Angela and her bes...
by inkpen
January 18th, 2012, 3:39 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query
Replies: 12
Views: 2287

Re: Query for Blood Red Turns Dollar Green

Much better here. The first query left me a bit confused about the real conflict, and there were many wording issues as previously pointed out. This version is far stronger and much more engaging. One tiny comment is that the word 'late' appears twice in one sentence and sits wrong to my ears.
by inkpen
January 15th, 2012, 5:25 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Suspense Query- The Verge
Replies: 8
Views: 2123

Re: Suspense Query- The Verge

hi Charlee- Thanks for the kind feedback. The blurb at the top would be some bit regarding the agent (saw your preference for women-themed suspense, etc...) not a bio blurb. 'Why is everyday life so bad'- My thought was that this is explained by the fact that Angela lives with her abused past; it's ...
by inkpen
January 13th, 2012, 6:41 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Suspense Query- The Verge
Replies: 8
Views: 2123

Suspense Query- The Verge

Hi everyone- my novel has had good response from my circle of initial readers, and I've been tweaking my query for a while. I sent out an older version, form rejections. I started sending out this one with higher hopes... form rejections again. Can anyone show me the forest in the trees? :? Thanks! ...