Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Sorry, but I hardly understand this at all. Could you try cutting way down on the amount of information? Like strip it to its essentials, and explain your information better

-I like the paragraph beginning "reflecting" -the novel seems way too long. Any chance you could make two novels out of it? -I think you have too much detail in this query. Seems confusing for the reader. Could try having less information but explaining that info better? Also you might try...

-sounds good tho' could benefit from some clarification -what do you mean by "strong" -the sentence beginning "long tired" needs work. unclear and possibly too long -you say her life is peaceful though it doesn't seem so from what went before -I don't understand "renegade&qu...

hello cher, sounds interesting -I like your summary sentence at the end though 100,000 wds seems quite long -you use the passive tense several times, e.g. "led to believe." usually better to use active tense if possible -not immediately clear who is now in an FBI agent -too many commas. ch...

Any help you could give me on the following query will be much appreciated. Dear xx: WILD SUNFLOWERS is a 75,000 word historical novel set on the South Dakota prairie in the 1940s. On a train platform, Mennonite charity worker Helen Janz meets the dashing red-jacketed Frank Warkentin and falls shoul...

Plot sounds good. you've managed to keep your query nice & short while still appealing to the senses and emotions, not easy to do. Some suggestions: -I wouldn't start by saying she wants to move because later you say she's thinking about moving; it seems contradictory -be much more dramatic abou...

Sounds moving and involving. Some points: -book title should be in capitals without quotation marks. That seems to be the general usage nowadays -you could shorten or omit the sentence beginning "the greatest things" -infidelity to whom? -very important: tell why her mother's cancer diagno...

Hello, sounds interesting. A few points: -I think the title of your book should be in capital letters and without quotation marks.That's the usual usage nowadays. -you could omit the sentence beginning "falsely accused" -you use passive tense a lot. activity is usually stronger, should be ...

I think you're trying to pack too much information in too quickly. One evidence of this is the overuse of adjectives. I'd cut down on them. At the beginning, indicate immediately who speaks. Like give him have an action before he says anything.Don't mix tenses as you do in the sentence containing &q...