Search found 7 matches

by crescentstar
November 16th, 2011, 1:54 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First bit of Krampus for Christmas
Replies: 3
Views: 1966

Re: First bit of Krampus for Christmas

Thank you I really appreciate your advice. My cousin also commented about the rhyming. If I could ask you a questing. The rest of the story is full on rhyming, an excerpt follows, and is around twenty pages in length. Because of this I am hesitant to completely rewrite the story. That said I am not ...
by crescentstar
November 7th, 2011, 7:12 pm
Forum: Books
Topic: Game of Thrones
Replies: 30
Views: 9195

Re: Game of Thrones

I was surprised he is better than I would have guessed. There are some authors that are interesting but the words on the page have no beauty... I am talking to you Piers Anthony. That was what I expected from Martin what it really wasn't that bad. I really like Mervyn Peak's work play and was deligh...
by crescentstar
November 7th, 2011, 6:54 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First page of THE FOLLOWING (psychological thriller)
Replies: 6
Views: 2407

Re: First page of THE FOLLOWING (psychological thriller)

Hi I am going focus my comments to the first paragraph. I really like the continued use of numbers this , it sort of works to a nice little countdown that builds tension. Secondly i would echo previous comments and urge you to remove some of the smaller words in your piece. Below is an example of wh...
by crescentstar
November 7th, 2011, 6:21 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Opening of The Tory's Daughter
Replies: 4
Views: 1828

Re: Opening of The Tory's Daughter

I just wanted to ask about the use of the name Abigail. Are you going for something darker or Gothic later on in the story? It just seems that name has a fair amount of baggage associated with it from the Goth sub culture. NCIS uses it as a stereo typical goth name. It is also used in the Dark Gothi...
by crescentstar
November 7th, 2011, 6:02 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: The Eviction, 600 word short short story
Replies: 4
Views: 3188

Re: The Eviction, 600 word short short story

I don't know if you were going for this, but I was confused by the era the story took place in. Well at least at first, it becomes much more clear later. The use of magic shave and Jim Crow seemed to date the story in the late thirties or forties. I was confused by the robotic chauffeur at first thi...
by crescentstar
November 7th, 2011, 4:57 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First bit of Krampus for Christmas
Replies: 3
Views: 1966

Re: First bit of Krampus for Christmas

Really sorry i didn't read the guild lines and just posted. I am sorry I am bumbling through this and my excitement got the better of me.
by crescentstar
November 7th, 2011, 2:15 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First bit of Krampus for Christmas
Replies: 3
Views: 1966

First bit of Krampus for Christmas

Hi I am new here and was just hoping to get some feedback on a short story I have been working on. I have taken the story through some basic revision but it is still very raw. I would really appreciate any thoughts you may have. The full story can be found at the following like if you are interested...