Search found 9 matches

by Mountain Lion
June 1st, 2010, 1:10 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Hang A Shining Star- contemporary women's fiction
Replies: 17
Views: 2708

Re: Hang A Shining Star- contemporary women's fiction

I think you should start with the scene Barbara creates and tell us what it is. Then tell us how she got there and what she hopes to change. Right now there is too much set up and contemplation before you get to the moment of action and conflict. Action first, then touch on the conflict, then tell u...
by Mountain Lion
May 31st, 2010, 10:11 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY for historical novel
Replies: 8
Views: 1396

Re: QUERY for historical novel

Thanks everyone. Your comments are very helpful.
ML
by Mountain Lion
May 30th, 2010, 10:22 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY for historical novel
Replies: 8
Views: 1396

Re: QUERY for historical novel

Here's my second bite at this apple. I've added a few more lines which I think make it less confusing. Thanks, Mountain Lion The coyote. When he’s hungry, he hunts. When he’s tired, he sleeps. Sometimes Miles wishes he could be a coyote. Then he wouldn’t see his father’s dreams turning to dust. COYO...
by Mountain Lion
May 30th, 2010, 10:00 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY for historical novel
Replies: 8
Views: 1396

Re: QUERY for historical novel

Thanks. Great suggestions. In the synopsis I do more showing. Perhaps I will combine the two. BTW, Andy does keep in promise. I need to put that in there.
by Mountain Lion
May 30th, 2010, 7:59 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY for historical novel
Replies: 8
Views: 1396

QUERY for historical novel

I am having a forest for the trees problem. Any suggestions would be welcomed. Re: COYOTE WINDS, middle grade historical novel, approximately 45,000 words Dear _________: The coyote. When he's hungry, he hunts. When he’s tired, he sleeps. Sometimes Miles wishes he could be a coyote. A coyote wouldn’...
by Mountain Lion
January 5th, 2010, 11:25 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Third person point of view with multiple viewpoints
Replies: 10
Views: 2158

Re: Third person point of view with multiple viewpoints

Sands Hall wrote a book, Tools of the Writers Craft, which has an interesting section about using multiple POV. She suggested that before shifting into a new POV, the writer take a sentence or two to describe what the new POV character is doing or to somehow let the reader see that character from th...
by Mountain Lion
January 5th, 2010, 11:15 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query critique -- Necklace of Tears
Replies: 13
Views: 3010

Re: Query critique -- Necklace of Tears

Hi, Just to confuse you, I liked the character names. It gives the query flavor and authenticity. I made a few editing suggestions and pose a few questions. I think naming the other books is helpful. Necklace of Tears (52,000 words) is a YA historical fiction set in 11th century India. This was the ...
by Mountain Lion
January 5th, 2010, 6:58 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query critique RYAN WRITES A BOOK
Replies: 5
Views: 1341

Re: Query critique RYAN WRITES A BOOK

Thanks everyone. Your comments are very helpful.
ML
by Mountain Lion
January 4th, 2010, 11:34 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query critique RYAN WRITES A BOOK
Replies: 5
Views: 1341

Query critique RYAN WRITES A BOOK

I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR COMMENTS: At some point every boy has to face the question: has he outgrown monster stories? Must he put away his velociraptors, his transformers, his bug-eyed aliens with spidery legs for something even more scary? School dances, body hair, girls? I am looking for representat...