Search found 3 matches

by TiPerihelion
October 1st, 2011, 6:21 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First page of THE FOLLOWING (psychological thriller)
Replies: 6
Views: 1946

Re: First page of THE FOLLOWING (psychological thriller)

I'm not going to go over it with a fine-toothed comb like others have done, but merely make two observations. One, it seems like you're setting the missing key up to be a major piece of evidence that will ultimately be the protagonist's downfall. I really hope that's not the case. In fact, I never w...
by TiPerihelion
October 1st, 2011, 5:51 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: The Eviction, 600 word short short story
Replies: 4
Views: 2822

Re: The Eviction, 600 word short short story

Well, your writing is strong, so I'm sure you'll take it where it needs to go. Only you can really know what story you're trying to tell.
by TiPerihelion
September 22nd, 2011, 5:12 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: The Eviction, 600 word short short story
Replies: 4
Views: 2822

Re: The Eviction, 600 word short short story

The clarity is great. I even think you could slash a few words here and there and the reader would make the necessary intuitive leaps with you. Consider: I sit in Grandpa’s chair, which still smells like him – Magic Shave and cocoa butter -- seven months after his death. Grandma watches television ...