Search found 6 matches

by Departuregirl
September 3rd, 2011, 11:59 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Our conversations start at 4 a.m. (Adult: Romance)
Replies: 8
Views: 2165

Re: Our conversations start at 4 a.m. (Young Adult: Romance)

The short answer is yes. I would love to read more. If there is any more I would like to read it, please direct me to it. My favorite part was the description of his dad, and the bringing it back at the end. I laughed at that. The phrasing is wonderful, throughout. My only concern is that it reads ...
by Departuregirl
September 3rd, 2011, 11:57 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Our conversations start at 4 a.m. (Adult: Romance)
Replies: 8
Views: 2165

Re: Our conversations start at 4 a.m. (Young Adult: Romance)

Very nice imagery in the beginning and throughout. Your writing gets me hooked right away. I am interested in Arthur too. I don't think he is a static character and believe he'll be making some personal growth through the book. I like your title too. Very intriguing :P Thank you for taking time out...
by Departuregirl
September 3rd, 2011, 11:57 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Our conversations start at 4 a.m. (Adult: Romance)
Replies: 8
Views: 2165

Re: Our conversations start at 4 a.m. (Young Adult: Romance)

I enjoyed this as well. I agree that the tenses could stand to be cleaned up a bit to make it more distinguishable as to where the dialogue is and who is speaking between Arthur and his dad, in particular, but that only takes a few minutes to address. No harm, no foul. The use of the present tense ...
by Departuregirl
August 29th, 2011, 12:34 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Deleted
Replies: 6
Views: 2004

Re: Superhero Housewives. First 350 words.

This sounds like fun. I wish you had posted more so it would be clearer as to who the characters are and what they're doing, because they're intriguing. Four superhero women definitely strikes me as a very fun, interesting plot with lots of potential. Just don't let it get corny. The whole what's-ha...
by Departuregirl
August 29th, 2011, 11:35 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: THE RISE OF TEDDY - FIRST 1000 Words
Replies: 3
Views: 1510

Re: THE RISE OF TEDDY - FIRST 1000 Words

I can't believe nobody's commented on this yet. This is brilliant. And so far above the average quality of writing. Little phrases like 'It pressed outward from his torso and kissed the bottom curve of his steering wheel' and 'take a black sharpee to the white emblem and blacken it as much at it bla...
by Departuregirl
August 29th, 2011, 7:18 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Our conversations start at 4 a.m. (Adult: Romance)
Replies: 8
Views: 2165

Our conversations start at 4 a.m. (Adult: Romance)

Arthur can’t describe what it means to be in love. It seems absurd, somehow, to put it into words; he can’t channel sentiment into poetry. What does spring to his mind when people say love are odd fragments: long fingers draped across a green bedspread, brown hair curling around white fingers, green...