Search found 31 matches
- September 20th, 2011, 4:15 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: "Griffin's Song" YA Adventure
- Replies: 15
- Views: 6354
Re: Query: "Griffin's Song" YA Adventure
Hi, Ginger! I appreciated your comments on my query, so I'll give you some here. When pirates slaughter fourteen-year-old Sarah Whitman’s parents, she becomes a captive on the deadliest pirate ship of the 18th century, the Griffin’s Song. Good opening. Establishes her situation and the setting. Capt...
- September 18th, 2011, 2:43 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: REVISED QUERY (post 22) - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE...
- Replies: 24
- Views: 9244
Re: REVISED QUERY (post 22) - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE...
Thanks, Allie. Your help has been invaluable. Here's another attempt at that first paragraph. Dear Agent: Born in a buried underground city, twelve-year-old Ethan Williams can sum up his life in one word: trapped. He dreams of the surface, where light comes from the sun and his dad is more than a fa...
- September 17th, 2011, 3:11 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: TELL ME THIS (formerly REDDO), YA Urban Fantasy new query
- Replies: 10
- Views: 3724
Re: TELL ME THIS (formerly REDDO), YA Urban Fantasy new query
Hi Allie! Thanks for your feedback on my query. In case you're still looking for some on yours, here are a few notes. Good luck! Seventeen-year-old Sophie Rowan doesn’t understand why new-boy-at-school Hugh Kedoa keeps giving her intense looks. Last she checked, new students usually don’t give death...
- September 17th, 2011, 2:59 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: REVISED QUERY (post 22) - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE...
- Replies: 24
- Views: 9244
Re: REVISED QUERY (post 16) - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE...
Thanks again, Allie and Ginger. I've made another revision to that first paragraph. Let me know if you think it flows better. Ginger, to answer your question about the original query, the problem I've been encountering is that agents think it sounds like THE CITY OF EMBER. As a result, I changed the...
- September 16th, 2011, 5:36 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: REVISED QUERY (post 22) - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE...
- Replies: 24
- Views: 9244
Re: REVISED QUERY (post 16) - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE...
Thanks AllieS and GingerWrite. Does this help? It's a hybrid with some earlier versions. Dear Agent: Born in a city buried underground, twelve-year-old Ethan Williams can sum up his life in one word: trapped. He dreams of the surface, where light comes from the sun and his dad is more than a faded p...
- September 8th, 2011, 10:44 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: REVISED QUERY (post 22) - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE...
- Replies: 24
- Views: 9244
Re: QUERY Revised 9/8 - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE TO ...
Thanks for all the feedback earlier this summer! I've been querying since mid-August and haven't been getting as many requests as I'd like, so I've revised the query letter again. Below is a new version that goes further into the story. I've left out the personalization and my bio here, but they'll ...
- June 17th, 2011, 12:49 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: query - DEMON ROAD - urban fantasy - 2nd draft at bottom
- Replies: 12
- Views: 4304
Re: query - DEMON ROAD - urban fantasy
I agree with Quill's comments. I was confused about where the story takes place. At first I thought it was the underworld, but then later it seems like she is in the regular world. Is the religious regime ruling the regular world or the underworld? And is she human? What about the other characters? ...
- June 17th, 2011, 10:32 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: REVISED QUERY (post 22) - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE...
- Replies: 24
- Views: 9244
Re: QUERY Revised 6/15 - MG - ESCAPE FROM THE UNDERGROUND CITY
Nicole, when I wrote the first version, I intended to get across that his mother was pregnant with HIM when they were trapped. That's why he's never met his father. And his sister is older. The backstory is they were all supposed to come and his dad got stuck at work. But I don't want to cram all of...
- June 16th, 2011, 9:51 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query-HEROIN HEROINE- Romantic Suspense(Revision # 2)
- Replies: 11
- Views: 3821
Re: Query-HEROIN HEROINE- Romantic Suspense(Revision # 2)
Definitely getting closer, Regina. Here are some additional comments. Dear Agent, One rainy afternoon, Fiona Corolla opens the door to face her the husband she killed one year ago. When documentary film maker Fiona Corolla interviews drug lord Wayne Vanderputt in a blood-stained cellar in suburban ...
- June 16th, 2011, 9:40 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: YA Fantasy Query: THE DRAGON'S NEPHEW
- Replies: 13
- Views: 5874
Re: YA Fantasy Query: THE DRAGON'S NEPHEW
Dear Agent, Chris Drake hunts dragons with an assault rifle. That’s a pretty cool job for a sixteen-year-old. Too bad he started breathing fire and growing scales. If the dragon slayers’ guild finds out that he’s shapeshifting, they’ll kill him because dragons are the only creatures capable of trans...
- June 16th, 2011, 9:28 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: REVISED QUERY (post 22) - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE...
- Replies: 24
- Views: 9244
Re: QUERY Revised 6/15 - MG - ESCAPE FROM THE UNDERGROUND CITY
Thanks, Regina! I've thought about how much to give away in the query about what's in the caves. If they request the MS, I want them to be really surprised at what the kids find when they reach a certain point, so I don't want to say what it is in the query. I'm hoping this is intriguing enough to m...
- June 15th, 2011, 4:48 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: REVISED QUERY (post 22) - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE...
- Replies: 24
- Views: 9244
Re: QUERY Revised 6/15 - MG - ESCAPE FROM THE UNDERGROUND CITY
Thanks, Krista!
- June 15th, 2011, 4:18 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: REVISED QUERY (post 22) - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE...
- Replies: 24
- Views: 9244
Re: REVISING QUERY/PLS WAIT TO COMMENT - MG Adventure -
Ok, here's a new version. Everyone's comments are so helpful! I was trying to incorporate something from the novel (Ethan's lists) into the query, and it just doesn't work here, so I've gone a different direction. I plan to base whether the personalization is at the top or the bottom on the agent's...
- June 15th, 2011, 11:55 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: The Courier--Young Adult Query--Round Two Posted :)
- Replies: 8
- Views: 4067
Re: The Courier--Young Adult Query--Round Two Posted :)
Much stronger! There are just two things that still stand out to me. Can you give some clue of Marius' age? Is he a teenager like her or older? I'm assuming he's young since you hint at a romance later, but then I don't understand why he has such an important position. You handled it well with her b...
- June 15th, 2011, 10:47 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: REVISED QUERY (post 22) - MG - THE MODERN CAVEBOY'S GUIDE...
- Replies: 24
- Views: 9244
Re: QUERY - MG Adventure - ESCAPE FROM THE UNDERGROUND CITY
Thanks everyone! This is why it's so helpful to have people who don't know the story read it because I'm definitely not being clear on some of the situation. I'm going to revise and post a new one in the next day or so. I appreciate the feedback!