Search found 4 matches

by dragoness
May 23rd, 2011, 10:11 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Moonlight Falters (new version at page 2)
Replies: 19
Views: 2937

Re: Query - Moonlight Falters (new version at post 9)

Why is Adam the protagonist and not Lea?
What is his motivation for helping her so much?
What is his conflict? Which critical decision he has to make?
by dragoness
May 23rd, 2011, 10:04 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: NOCTURNAL, psychological thriller
Replies: 6
Views: 1158

Re: NOCTURNAL, psychological thriller

The story sounds very interesting!

I think you should explain why he feels he's becoming crazy- the story is special because of his mental progress, not only his concrete findings, and that should get more weight.
by dragoness
May 23rd, 2011, 9:44 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query / synopsis :: MASQUERADE
Replies: 9
Views: 1659

Re: Query / synopsis :: MASQUERADE UPDATED (5/11)

Jake Wilson has just discovered that he has been assigned a project at work with his evil, red-headed -not adding anything important ex-girlfriend. This is not just any ex-girlfriend. This is the ex-girlfriend. She’s the benchmark, but she also has a bad habit of showing up at the worst times … or ...
by dragoness
May 23rd, 2011, 9:29 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE ENEMY WITHIN (Historical Fiction): New Version - Page 3
Replies: 41
Views: 5909

Re: New Query: THE ENEMY WITHIN (Historical Fiction)

I think this is much better than the former - you begin right in the action. "not realizing that he has been charged with apprehending Confederate spies and sympathizers" and "Then she discovers her husband is in the employ of the Union government" is saying the same thing twice. Try to delete the f...