Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Thanks everyone! I think I'm almost there, I can taste it. When I get a finalized version, I'll post it.

Ok, take two! ___________________ Dee Lykos is one of a small number of people who knows about the demon-infested parallel universe that nestles beneath the human world like a dark twin. Clients contract drivers like Dee to smuggle cargo through the demonverse by vanishing from the human world in on...

Quill, thanks for the excellent feedback!

Concerning the genre, the book is primarily set in a modern city, which is why I have it classified as urban fantasy. Do you think I need to make that city setting explicit within the query itself?

Hi everyone! I've shown my query to my beta readers and gotten a lukewarm or chilly response - "well, it doesn't make me NOT want to read the book". But no one has any bright ideas on how to fix it! I know that you wonderful people can help me out. I've been staring at it for so long that ...

So many fantastic comments on this query! My input is that I don't think you need to explain the Stream further. I read a lot of sci-fi, and I'm pretty used to picking up what things are from context, or continuing to read until all is explained. I think sci-fi fans may be more used to this than peo...

Definite improvements in this new version! My thoughts in blue. Eighteen year old Talya is a knight who lives to kill soldiers of the Malinorian Empire. She especially hates their new young general, Jalarn. Not only has Jalarn murdered Talya`s king, he almost killed her. Twice. A prophet`s word sen...

This is really cool! I just had a couple of thoughts, below in italics. Since you’ve expressed an interest in middle grade boy books, is this standard phrasing? Otherwise I might use 'middle grade books for boys' - though I don't know if I like the idea of marketing books for boys or girls specifica...

The premise seems interesting. One comment I have is that you're generally not supposed to load the query with backstory. Where does the story actually begin? With Wayne coming back from the dead, or with them falling in love? If the story actually begins with Fiona opening the door and seeing Wayne...

I'm just going to be honest - I don't like the word Reddo. I'm not trying to be mean, but I am wondering if there is a reason why you chose this term - does it mean something in traditional mythology that I'm not familiar with? Is it ODDER spelled backward? Clearly this is a really important word - ...

I love the idea of this query, but I agree with airball that it's a bit confusing. Some of this could be helped by breaking up the lengthy sentences, like so: Prince Lucien inadvertently caused his older brother's death. Now he eagerly awaits the opportunity for a Quest to prove that he's not just t...

First of all, this looks like a neat book, and it feels unique and interesting. But I agree with others who say that you need some more of Belen's voice in the query. Belén can’t believe that Señor Rossi, the man who saved her life years ago, is a war criminal. What’s even stranger is that this news...