Search found 31 matches

by akila
July 8th, 2011, 12:54 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Slipping into your story during revisions
Replies: 24
Views: 6168

Re: Slipping into your story during revisions

Sanderling, I have this problem all the time and a really good remedy that nobody else has mentioned: read your ms out loud. Yes, read the whole thing. Yes, it takes a lot of time and you will be hoarse by the end of it. When I hear the words out loud, I catch all sorts of issues and annoyances that...
by akila
July 5th, 2011, 10:17 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Banana Suburb [YA]
Replies: 15
Views: 2372

Re: Query: Banana Suburb [YA]

Most child prodigies burn out before they rise to any recognition, but Elizabeth “Liz” Choi refuses to let that happen. While her classmates hang out at Tucson Mall, Liz practices piano for three hours a day. While other kids go to parties, Liz and her band send demos to record companies. I agree w...
by akila
July 5th, 2011, 10:05 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Moonlight Falters (new version at page 2)
Replies: 19
Views: 3221

Re: Query - Moonlight Falters (new version at page 2)

Thanks so much for your advice Quill. I'm going to cross my fingers and hope that this be appealing to agents.
by akila
June 30th, 2011, 5:24 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Moonlight Falters (new version at page 2)
Replies: 19
Views: 3221

Re: Query - Moonlight Falters (new version at page 2)

Whoever said that writing a novel was the hard part never wrote a query letter. :shock: Anyhow, taking in all your thoughts and some of my own, here is a new version: LATEST VERSION Adam Wesley prefers the clarity of a well-defined life. He knows who he is: a widowed thirty-one-year-old attorney at ...
by akila
June 30th, 2011, 5:13 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE ENEMY WITHIN (Historical Fiction): New Version - Page 3
Replies: 41
Views: 6387

Re: New Query: THE ENEMY WITHIN (Historical Fiction)

So, I haven't read any of the old ones so I'm taking a completely fresh look at this: As a pack of renegade Union soldiers disappear into the cold Kentucky night, nineteen year old Julienne Dalton watches her home burn, while her father lies dead at her feet. She will settle for nothing less than re...
by akila
June 14th, 2011, 3:59 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Fantasy Query: THE DRAGON'S NEPHEW
Replies: 13
Views: 2370

Re: YA Fantasy Query: THE DRAGON'S NEPHEW

Very interesting premise. Comments below: Chris Drake hunts dragons with an assault rifle. That’s a pretty cool job for a sixteen-year-old. Too bad he’s breathing fire and growing scales. If the dragon slayers’ guild finds out that he’s turning into a dragon, they’ll kill him. Not to mention what hi...
by akila
June 14th, 2011, 3:48 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: query: WHOSE TEETH ARE AS SWORDS (YA sci-fi) - Take 2
Replies: 14
Views: 2580

Re: query: WHOSE TEETH ARE AS SWORDS (YA sci-fi) - Take 2

Krista, So happy to give comments cause I really love your blog. I've been doing a lot of research on agents and your interactive interviews have been SUPER helpful. Anyhow, here we go: For a girl from Vegas, sixteen-year-old Adair is as lucky as cold dice. She lives in Mandalay Bay, sure, but the B...
by akila
June 14th, 2011, 3:20 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Moonlight Falters (new version at page 2)
Replies: 19
Views: 3221

Re: Query - Moonlight Falters (new version at post 16)

First of all, thank you again for your very useful comments Quill and michelliemason. I spent several days thinking about my query and I think I included way too much information in the previous versions without getting to the heart of the matter, which led to many of your comments and confusion. So...
by akila
June 8th, 2011, 2:26 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query-YA paranormal thriller NEWEST ATTEMPT IN POST #16
Replies: 18
Views: 2849

Re: Query-YA paranormal thriller NEWEST ATTEMPT IN POST #9

I'm with Allie - I actually really liked the second version before you shortened it. I loved the details you included and its rhythm and flow.
by akila
June 8th, 2011, 2:20 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - By the Sword (YA Fantasy) - 3rd Revision
Replies: 22
Views: 2908

Re: Query - By the Sword (Fantasy)

Kill. That is what warriors are supposed to do. They are not supposed to dream visions or fall for their worst enemy. I agree with the previous commenter. Generally, assassins kill. Warriors protect and defend their kingdom/king/queen, etc. I also feel like these first three sentences are a bit clu...
by akila
June 8th, 2011, 2:10 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: REDDO, YA Urban Fantasy LAST POST
Replies: 20
Views: 3474

Re: REDDO, YA Urban Fantasy LAST POST

AllieS, I really like this version in comparison to the others. What I love is the first three paragraphs and the simple relationship between them. The last two paragraphs however become almost too complicated. Anyway, thoughts are below: Eighteen-year-old Sophie Rowan always hoped she had a true lo...
by akila
June 8th, 2011, 2:02 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Moonlight Falters (new version at page 2)
Replies: 19
Views: 3221

Re: Query - Moonlight Falters (new version at post 9)

Hi guys, I know it's been a while but I wanted to let you know that I've started querying last week and so far haven't gotten any nibbles (7 sent, 3 form rejections, 1 personalized rejection) . . . meaning that I think I need to tighten up my query. So, here is a new version: For the first time sinc...
by akila
April 20th, 2011, 1:59 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Separating confidence from self-doubt
Replies: 5
Views: 2659

Separating confidence from self-doubt

Self-doubt feeds the author. Without self-doubt, we don't strive to do our best --- to keep writing despite rejections and humiliations. (See Dean Koontz, for example, who writes: "I have more self-doubt than any writer I’ve ever known. That is one reason I revise every page to the point of absurdit...
by akila
April 19th, 2011, 11:11 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First Two Pages for REDDO, YA urban fantasy (REVISED 6/13)
Replies: 14
Views: 4146

Re: First Two Pages for REDDO, YA urban fantasy

AllieS - I'm so glad that I can help offer some criticism since you have been so helpful with my query! :) Comments below: Rain crashed through the treetops in Ellery Wildlife Preserve, pouring down the veins of leaves and sliding off so swiftly the movement was reduced to sparkling blurs in the den...
by akila
April 18th, 2011, 12:24 pm
Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
Topic: Looking for a critique partner for chick-lit novel
Replies: 1
Views: 1041

Re: Looking for a critique partner for chick-lit novel

Sara: I'm interested in trading chapters because I'm also looking for a critique partner. Mine isn't a chick-lit novel but rather a contemporary fantasy but I think our genres actually mesh because it sounds like your novel includes elements of magical realism, as does mine. There's a strong thread ...