Search found 6 matches

by Laura516
March 30th, 2011, 6:01 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - UTOPIA UNRAVELING - edited
Replies: 5
Views: 1011

Re: Query - UTOPIA UNRAVELING - edited

Thanks so much to Quill and fishfood for your help. Below is the first revision. I added a bit to paragraphs one and two and broke the first sentence of paragraph two into two sentences; not sure whether it's better. Please let me know what you think. Thanks so much! (Also, I believe "easy" is techn...
by Laura516
March 30th, 2011, 1:41 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - UTOPIA UNRAVELING - edited
Replies: 5
Views: 1011

Query - UTOPIA UNRAVELING - edited

THIS IS THE ORIGINAL. PLEASE SCROLL DOWN FOR SECOND DRAFT. THANKS :) I'm preparing to send a second batch of (hopefully more successful) queries for my first novel. Any feedback you can give is much appreciated: Banished from her teaching career after a botched attempt at lovers’ vengeance, newbie j...
by Laura516
March 30th, 2011, 10:10 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - The Beautiful People
Replies: 20
Views: 2956

Re: Query - The Beautiful People

Just a few quick things because I'm no expert. My impression as a regular reader/writer is that I like the having both characters in the query. It adds layers. I do agree with littlebird's original reply that the last sentence needs to have a "stakes" element... so that we are left wondering (and wa...
by Laura516
March 30th, 2011, 9:52 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: ASSASSIN PI - Romantic Suspense
Replies: 7
Views: 1335

Re: QUERY: ASSASSIN PI - Romantic Suspense

I also read the word "slay" and found myself assuming this was a vampire novel. But assuming you're looking more for impressions of the story than an edit of the letter, I think this could be interesting. The first paragraph to me seemed somewhat been-there-done-that, but the twist (he was hired to ...
by Laura516
March 16th, 2011, 7:10 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Serious vs. Jokey...
Replies: 12
Views: 1750

Re: Query: Serious vs. Jokey...

No offense at all, Enewmeyer. I completely understand what you're getting at. Thanks so much to all of you for your feedback. I've been in a little writing cave with no idea how anything sounded, so this has been extremely helpful. I'll go ahead and revise version two, but feel free to leave more fe...
by Laura516
March 16th, 2011, 11:58 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Serious vs. Jokey...
Replies: 12
Views: 1750

Query: Serious vs. Jokey...

I have two versions of a query letter but am unsure which – if either – I should use. One may be too jokey, and the other may be too detailed. I’m also concerned that both lose the deeper story of Liz coming to terms with the futility of childhood dreams, and realizing that her bias against the weal...