Thank you! I like your suggestions, I will work on those bottom sentences.
I am also thinking of using 2nd para as my hook and then rewriting a bit!
Search found 12 matches
- March 22nd, 2011, 5:39 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: YA Contemporary Query
- Replies: 11
- Views: 4251
- March 16th, 2011, 6:39 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: YA Contemporary Query
- Replies: 11
- Views: 4251
Re: YA Contemporary Query
We'll go with the fact that I am a mom with a two year old, writing a new book, and trying to query this one with why I posted the wrong one that you critiqued. Thank you so much for your thoughts!
- March 16th, 2011, 6:30 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: REDEMPTION FOR LIARS - Edited
- Replies: 11
- Views: 4682
Re: Query: REDEMPTION FOR LIARS - Edited
I like your edited version of the 1st. It has voice and shows the conflict and plot.
- March 16th, 2011, 6:28 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Serious vs. Jokey...
- Replies: 12
- Views: 4353
Re: Query: Serious vs. Jokey...
I like the 2nd one better, definitely. I hear voice, and I know more what the main character is like and what she wants. It could use a bit of shortening, but not too much. Does it fit on one page? If so, disregard my length.
I agree with the poster who said you needed to include genre.
I agree with the poster who said you needed to include genre.
- March 16th, 2011, 5:47 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: YA Contemporary Query
- Replies: 11
- Views: 4251
Re: Hooks for query
I have read Nathan's posts- that is how I found these forums. You need to be specific about the plot- specific about the right things, like the first poster said. Here's the letter I'm working on right now: Dear M. Agent, Seventeen-year-old Meredith’s life is unraveling one thread at a time. First h...
- March 16th, 2011, 4:59 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: YA Contemporary Query
- Replies: 11
- Views: 4251
Re: Hooks for query
It is YA
The beginning of the book is very light, focusing on her family. There is of course a silver lining, but from my understanding, we get down to the plot of the story for the query letters and what the main character's conflict is, so that is what I am focusing on for hook.
The beginning of the book is very light, focusing on her family. There is of course a silver lining, but from my understanding, we get down to the plot of the story for the query letters and what the main character's conflict is, so that is what I am focusing on for hook.
- March 14th, 2011, 10:26 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: YA Contemporary Query
- Replies: 11
- Views: 4251
Re: Hooks for query
Thanks I just read that example from Nathan's blog. Story really starts with Meredith and her dad being sick and dying, she's really depressed, and then when she goes to college and meets Kaden, she falls in love with him. A lot of the story is their relationship, with the end showing how Meredith m...
- March 14th, 2011, 6:23 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: YA Contemporary Query
- Replies: 11
- Views: 4251
YA Contemporary Query
Thanks for all your help- I have my actual query below
- March 14th, 2011, 6:15 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Blood Legacy - YA Fantasy REVISED
- Replies: 21
- Views: 8136
Re: Query: Blood Legacy - YA Fantasy REVISED
I think the first sentence needs to be in there, I like it, but not as the hook. Maybe use your second sentence.
- March 14th, 2011, 6:13 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query - The Beautiful People
- Replies: 20
- Views: 7413
Re: Query - The Beautiful People
I like the version from Cole.
I also like the second paragraph alot.
Your first sentence doesn't draw me in though.
I also like the second paragraph alot.
Your first sentence doesn't draw me in though.
- March 14th, 2011, 6:12 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query - The Cacao Conspiracy - newest version in post 16
- Replies: 15
- Views: 7183
Re: Query - The Cacao Conspiracy
I like your opening!!
- March 14th, 2011, 6:07 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)
- Replies: 27
- Views: 10001
Re: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)
I like the avoiding all his life change
I think changing to visions of the future and taking out nightmares will help too
Otherwise good job.
I think changing to visions of the future and taking out nightmares will help too
Otherwise good job.