Search found 12 matches

by brandileigh2003
March 22nd, 2011, 5:39 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Contemporary Query
Replies: 11
Views: 1547

Re: YA Contemporary Query

Thank you! I like your suggestions, I will work on those bottom sentences.
I am also thinking of using 2nd para as my hook and then rewriting a bit!
by brandileigh2003
March 16th, 2011, 6:39 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Contemporary Query
Replies: 11
Views: 1547

Re: YA Contemporary Query

We'll go with the fact that I am a mom with a two year old, writing a new book, and trying to query this one with why I posted the wrong one that you critiqued. Thank you so much for your thoughts!
by brandileigh2003
March 16th, 2011, 6:30 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: REDEMPTION FOR LIARS - Edited
Replies: 11
Views: 1745

Re: Query: REDEMPTION FOR LIARS - Edited

I like your edited version of the 1st. It has voice and shows the conflict and plot.
by brandileigh2003
March 16th, 2011, 6:28 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Serious vs. Jokey...
Replies: 12
Views: 1663

Re: Query: Serious vs. Jokey...

I like the 2nd one better, definitely. I hear voice, and I know more what the main character is like and what she wants. It could use a bit of shortening, but not too much. Does it fit on one page? If so, disregard my length.
I agree with the poster who said you needed to include genre.
by brandileigh2003
March 16th, 2011, 5:47 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Contemporary Query
Replies: 11
Views: 1547

Re: Hooks for query

I have read Nathan's posts- that is how I found these forums. You need to be specific about the plot- specific about the right things, like the first poster said. Here's the letter I'm working on right now: Dear M. Agent, Seventeen-year-old Meredith’s life is unraveling one thread at a time. First h...
by brandileigh2003
March 16th, 2011, 4:59 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Contemporary Query
Replies: 11
Views: 1547

Re: Hooks for query

It is YA
The beginning of the book is very light, focusing on her family. There is of course a silver lining, but from my understanding, we get down to the plot of the story for the query letters and what the main character's conflict is, so that is what I am focusing on for hook.
by brandileigh2003
March 14th, 2011, 10:26 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Contemporary Query
Replies: 11
Views: 1547

Re: Hooks for query

Thanks I just read that example from Nathan's blog. Story really starts with Meredith and her dad being sick and dying, she's really depressed, and then when she goes to college and meets Kaden, she falls in love with him. A lot of the story is their relationship, with the end showing how Meredith m...
by brandileigh2003
March 14th, 2011, 6:23 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Contemporary Query
Replies: 11
Views: 1547

YA Contemporary Query

Thanks for all your help- I have my actual query below
by brandileigh2003
March 14th, 2011, 6:15 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Blood Legacy - YA Fantasy REVISED
Replies: 21
Views: 3501

Re: Query: Blood Legacy - YA Fantasy REVISED

I think the first sentence needs to be in there, I like it, but not as the hook. Maybe use your second sentence.
by brandileigh2003
March 14th, 2011, 6:13 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - The Beautiful People
Replies: 20
Views: 2810

Re: Query - The Beautiful People

I like the version from Cole.
I also like the second paragraph alot.
Your first sentence doesn't draw me in though.
by brandileigh2003
March 14th, 2011, 6:12 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - The Cacao Conspiracy - newest version in post 16
Replies: 15
Views: 2804

Re: Query - The Cacao Conspiracy

I like your opening!!
by brandileigh2003
March 14th, 2011, 6:07 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)
Replies: 27
Views: 4199

Re: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)

I like the avoiding all his life change

I think changing to visions of the future and taking out nightmares will help too

Otherwise good job.