Search found 32 matches

by katbrauer
October 19th, 2010, 2:07 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Mouths - YA Fantasy: All rejections, no requests = new query
Replies: 13
Views: 2161

Re: Mouths - YA Fantasy: All rejections, no requests = new query

Hopefully I've addressed most of the issues in version six, still in the first post. I shall continue to revise and think and revise and think. DEFINITELY still open to further comments if anyone has more to offer. :)
by katbrauer
October 19th, 2010, 1:59 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Fantasy Query -- Glory or Death, 4th rev.
Replies: 15
Views: 2733

Re: YA Fantasy Query -- Glory or Death

Hey woman. =P Ayla lived alone with her father for sixteen years. Now the goddess of the underworld has come to collect him. His deal with the goddess ten years ago allowed him to live on earth until now. I dunno, I like what you said below this new addition. "Ten years ago, Ayla's father made a dea...
by katbrauer
October 19th, 2010, 1:38 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Queen of Heaven - YA Fantasy Query
Replies: 15
Views: 2269

Re: Another Revision Queen of Heaven - YA Fantasy Query

Thirteen year old Jin wants to conquer the world. She just needs an army. :) After her father, the Emperor, is murdered by his most trusted adviser, Jin flees the Empire of Sol. She travels north to seek aid and convince the King of Tze to take action against the usurper. The coward ridicules her p...
by katbrauer
October 19th, 2010, 1:27 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Young Adult Fantasy Query
Replies: 22
Views: 2660

Re: Young Adult Fantasy Query

During a high school field trip, a heated argument between Kat and her ex-friend ends in accidental bloodshed. This act of violence (I'm finding "act of violence" awkward, though I can't quite figure out why...) transports Kat and four of her classmates to another world. Now, instead of mean girls ...
by katbrauer
October 19th, 2010, 1:16 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY, New take
Replies: 7
Views: 1089

Re: I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY, New take

I... Okay, here's what I'm getting from the query. 1. Presley's psychic. 2. Someone wants to kill her. 3. She's in lurve with Reid and Reid shall save the day! Unless he doesn't love her. OH NOS. And here's my issue... What the hell is Presley doing this whole time? Sitting in the dark and twiddling...
by katbrauer
October 15th, 2010, 7:21 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Mouths - YA Fantasy: All rejections, no requests = new query
Replies: 13
Views: 2161

Re: Mouths - YA Fantasy: All rejections, no requests = new query

"compel" suggests that he mentally controls them and makes them want to go. Is there a stronger verb, or is that exactly what he does? That's exactly what he does. And he does it in a really creepy manner. So huzzah! Got one thing right...ish. :) Aside from Io's conflict, this makes it sound like t...
by katbrauer
October 15th, 2010, 5:53 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: A Lullaby- YA paranormal romance query
Replies: 28
Views: 4159

Re: A Lullaby- YA paranormal romance query

I agree with a lot of Thermocline's suggestions, but at the risk of being repetitive, I'm just going to edit this as I see it :) Agora Beckwith can't congratulate herself for being a superhuman- there are just too many out there like her. She can only hide in the shadows and hope that her destiny wi...
by katbrauer
October 15th, 2010, 5:37 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY - A Scorpion's Nature
Replies: 8
Views: 1287

Re: QUERY - A Scorpion's Nature

This is great. I don't think it needs any big changes, just some cleaning up to make it flow better. My suggestions below. Er, obviously. It sucks to lose every fight, but Ryan Laraway refuses to run from them like his dad, the coward who deserted his fellow soldiers. Ryan lands in youth court after...
by katbrauer
October 15th, 2010, 5:31 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Queen of Heaven - YA Fantasy Query
Replies: 15
Views: 2269

Re: Queen of Heaven - YA Fantasy Query

I agree with Thermocline, mix up your sentence structure. Otherwise, this is already much better than before! HUZZAH. Thirteen year old Jin wants to conquer the world. She just needs an army. Still so fab. Jin flees the Empire of Sol after her father, the Emperor, is murdered by his most trusted adv...
by katbrauer
October 15th, 2010, 5:20 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Young Adult Fantasy Query
Replies: 22
Views: 2660

Re: Young Adult Fantasy Query

This is eerily similar to my book! But in a good way, I think. Vampire Diaries meets True Blood sort of way. And also, my name is Kat. Iiiiinterestng. During a school field trip, feisty seventeen-year-old Kat and four of her classmates discover a portal that connects Earth and a world called Creos. ...
by katbrauer
October 14th, 2010, 4:19 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Mouths - YA Fantasy: All rejections, no requests = new query
Replies: 13
Views: 2161

Re: Mouths - YA Fantasy: All rejections, no requests = new query

VERSION TWO PLEASE SEE VERSION 3, FIRST POST Did my best to incorporate all of your great suggestions and address all the comments. I'm still not satisfied! I think now it's too long? And I feel like I should cut the adjectives pell-mell, but they make it so shinies... If you see anything that look...
by katbrauer
October 13th, 2010, 9:56 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Mouths - YA Fantasy: All rejections, no requests = new query
Replies: 13
Views: 2161

Mouths - YA Fantasy: All rejections, no requests = new query

You guys were super helpful the last time! I'm hoping (really, seriously crossing my fingers) that the lack of requests is more a commentary on the query than the plot or the writing. In any case, another letter to set your teeth to! Go forth and conquer! VERSION 5 BASED ON COMMENTS (As of October 1...
by katbrauer
October 13th, 2010, 9:49 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Queen of Heaven - YA Fantasy Query
Replies: 15
Views: 2269

Re: Queen of Heaven - YA Fantasy Query

Thirteen year old Jin wants to conquer the world. She just needs an army. Full of awesome. A fter she discovered that her father was murdered by his most trusted adviser , the man Jin banishes her from her homeland . She then traveled north to seek aid, hoping to convince the emperor to take action...
by katbrauer
October 13th, 2010, 9:32 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query SEVENTY-TWO HOURS
Replies: 7
Views: 1196

Re: Query SEVENTY-TWO HOURS

Hm... I think you're off to a good start. You've got stakes and a ticking-time bomb and solid potential for character growth, but for some reason the query is reading as forced. Part of it, I think, is the use of cliches. For example, "until their world is blown apart," "life-threatening circumstanc...
by katbrauer
September 7th, 2010, 10:17 am
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: What superpower would you want?
Replies: 36
Views: 9146

Re: What superpower would you want?

The ability to correctly eyeball temperature. For example: I'm making caramel, waiting for the sugar-water mixture to reach the desired consistency so it doesn't turn into candy DOOM. My super power allows me to pull it off without having to depend on those new-fangled thermometers. Also works for m...