Search found 131 matches

by Joel Q
July 20th, 2011, 3:00 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: *Revised* QUERY: THE DRAKE WAR
Replies: 40
Views: 6768

Re: *Revised 3rd time* QUERY: THE DRAKE WAR

Hi guys: Dear Ms. Agent: When gun toting maniacs barge into sixteen year old Lillim Callina’s home and reveal an exciting opportunity to join an ancient, unstoppable dragon before it takes over the world, it means only one thing: She needs better locks. For the better part of a year, she’s been try...
by Joel Q
July 15th, 2011, 6:37 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Virtual Genesis
Replies: 6
Views: 1126

Re: Virtual Genesis

Cool concept.
I agree about picking at least one MC, just for the query.

Also, the writing doesn't excite me. It's not passive, just more telling instead of showing.

JQ
by Joel Q
July 15th, 2011, 6:35 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Reception - Revised
Replies: 6
Views: 1577

Re: The Reception - First Attempt

Autumn was supposed to be smart enough not to get herself stuck in the wall of a vacant house, but at twelve years old you are not always as smart as you, and perhaps everyone else, thinks you are. She didn’t know what caused her to end up at the vacant house on that day. Whether it was to escape h...
by Joel Q
July 15th, 2011, 4:12 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: MEETING OF THE WATERS - modern fantasy roadtrip
Replies: 7
Views: 1378

Re: MEETING OF THE WATERS - modern fantasy roadtrip

How do you think this sounds, fellow author? Cool story idea. And a nice job with the story in the query. JQ Dear [agent], In MEETING OF THE WATERS, move to bottom Jaime Adricks leads his online pirate crew in the video game Ages, battling time-traveling Nazis who have invaded the 17th century Cari...
by Joel Q
July 15th, 2011, 3:57 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: SWANSONG: THE FALLEN Sci-fi thriller
Replies: 10
Views: 1904

Re: Query: SWANSONG: THE FALLEN Sci-fi thriller

Good start Need some clarifications and a better ending JQ Rookie British Army Lieutenant Joseph Branston and his platoon emerge from a bizarre case of missing time to a world ravaged by an unknown assailant. Overwhelmed by the sudden turn of events Cliche , Branston struggles to keep his unit toge...
by Joel Q
July 15th, 2011, 3:48 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: NO SHELTER FROM DARKNESS (horror)
Replies: 13
Views: 2778

Re: Query: NO SHELTER FROM DARKNESS (horror)

You have a great story idea, but I don't think it comes out in the query. Too many 'cool' details hide the conflict of the story. JQ While a ravaged London emerges from the Blitz, Beth–an adolescent orphan–starts to hear things before anyone else, and smells blood like it’s an overpowering perfume....
by Joel Q
July 13th, 2011, 3:12 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western - updated version
Replies: 17
Views: 3208

Re: Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western - LAST LINE HELP

Here's a revision I've been working on. Any thoughts? JQ In an 1800s coal mining town in the Rocky Mountains, Jonathan Blair finds Hell waiting for him. He knows, because he’s had a glimpse of it before. Blair fell from the pulpit to a life of crime. Convicted of murder, he conditionally trades his...
by Joel Q
May 13th, 2011, 4:41 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: All That Glitters (YA)
Replies: 10
Views: 1937

Re: Query: All That Glitters (YA)

Curious as to what is the relationship between Belén and Señor Rossi now? I think needs to play in the query. Adds emotional and possibly physical conflict.

JQ
by Joel Q
May 13th, 2011, 4:35 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: REDDO, YA Urban Fantasy LAST POST
Replies: 20
Views: 3262

Re: REDDO: New format for YA Urban Fantasy EDITED 4/27

I like the new version I'm not sure about the "four things" angle in the query. But it just might work for the the right agent. JQ Four things come to mind when eighteen-year-old Sophie Rowan thinks about the Kedoas. First, her life would be a lot simpler if she hadn’t found Hugh Kedoa, the new boy...
by Joel Q
May 13th, 2011, 4:24 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Totally New Query for MAGE STORM (MG Fantasy)
Replies: 12
Views: 1748

Re: Totally New Query for MAGE STORM (MG Fantasy)

Solid query. My one concern is how long this first paragraph is. I think you could cut by 1/3 to 1/2 and still tell the story. JQ Rell isn't sorry that magic died at the end of the Great Mage War. All that remains are the violent, semi-sentient mage storms like the one that killed his grandfather. ...
by Joel Q
May 13th, 2011, 4:17 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query / synopsis :: MASQUERADE
Replies: 9
Views: 1663

Re: Query / synopsis :: MASQUERADE

[quote]

Try reading a ton of Query Shark and check out Nathan's how to write a query letter (http://blog.nathanbransford.com/2010/08 ... etter.html)

Ditto
by Joel Q
April 8th, 2011, 2:05 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Plowshares into Swords - science fiction
Replies: 7
Views: 1624

Re: Query: Plowshares into Swords - science fiction

Matt, A solid first draft on here. I think you can cut some things and tighten it up Here are a few suggestions. JQ Fifteen-year old Lazarus is hunting with his dad when (we don't need to know that) the Leaf-haired freaks come out of the forest. They burn the family farm, kidnap his sister, and mur...
by Joel Q
March 16th, 2011, 5:49 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: New Direction for query for SAW IT COMING
Replies: 13
Views: 1768

Re: New Direction for query for SAW IT COMING

THIS IS THE NEW VERSION! Sam Oliveira doesn’t want to join the family business—not that he has a choice. Seeing the future is an inherited trait, one that makes him a valuable recruit for the Brazilian cartel boss that employs his mother. Sam's ability is coveted by drug dealers and human trafficke...
by Joel Q
March 16th, 2011, 5:39 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: REDEMPTION FOR LIARS - Edited
Replies: 11
Views: 1651

Re: Query: REDEMPTION FOR LIARS

Here is the edited version. I tried to boil it down to bare basics while still showing my voice and tone. Hope it makes the story clearer. Thanks for all the comments so far! QUERY When the Feds call it case closed in his sister’s death, FBI agent Jonah White is hell-bent on tracking down her stole...
by Joel Q
March 16th, 2011, 5:26 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Contemporary Query
Replies: 11
Views: 1493

Re: Hooks for query

It is YA The beginning of the book is very light, focusing on her family. There is of course a silver lining, but from my understanding, we get down to the plot of the story for the query letters and what the main character's conflict is, so that is what I am focusing on for hook. Check out QuerySh...