Search found 11 matches

by elmtree322
March 12th, 2011, 6:50 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Your first Pargraph!
Replies: 80
Views: 26121

Re: Your first Pargraph!

I'll give it a try! I should mention, this is non fiction, a travel memoir: I was there to meet a prince. It was surprising even before you considered I was from a country that didn’t have a monarchy. The palace guard looked as skeptical about it as I was, and didn’t hide a snicker as he eyed my pat...
by elmtree322
February 8th, 2011, 4:56 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Non-fiction Query: English Lessons
Replies: 8
Views: 1556

Re: Non-fiction Query: English Lessons

I've read Bryson's Notes On a Small Island, and I love it. Definitely a good place to look for inspiration! Thanks for all the feedback, I'm revising now.
by elmtree322
February 6th, 2011, 11:35 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Non-fiction Query: English Lessons
Replies: 8
Views: 1556

Re: Non-fiction Query: English Lessons

Thanks for the thoughts Quill. It looks like I could stand to do some condensing here. Also, it hadn't occurred to me that the references to other places I visited while abroad might be confusing. ANyone else have thoughts on this?

Thanks again!
by elmtree322
February 5th, 2011, 10:11 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Non-fiction Query: English Lessons
Replies: 8
Views: 1556

Re: Non-fiction Query: English Lessons

Thanks very much Dankrubis! As you are now officially the first person to comment on my query, it's nice to hear I may be hitting the right tone. Your comments make a lot of sense, and I'll definitiely be using some of them to revise. Thanks again! I'd love to hear others' thoughts on the blog line....
by elmtree322
February 5th, 2011, 8:11 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Non-fiction Query: English Lessons
Replies: 8
Views: 1556

Non-fiction Query: English Lessons

Hi all! This is my first draft of a query for my travel memoir, English Lessons. As this is in its first stages, I would appreciate any and all thoughts! Thanks! Dear [agent], I’m seeking representation for my travel memoir, English Lessons: An American Girl’s Quest to Become British in 52 Weeks . I...
by elmtree322
January 15th, 2011, 5:19 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First 400 Words, Narrative Non-fiction
Replies: 6
Views: 2085

Re: First 400 Words, Narrative Non-fiction

Thanks very much for the comments Nick. I'm originally from Fort Lauderdale, living in DC these days though. I agree with a lot of what you had to say. I'm playing around with the opening line now, it's really refreshing to see your work from someone else's point of view. I'm definitely going to tak...
by elmtree322
January 13th, 2011, 12:45 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First 400 Words, Narrative Non-fiction
Replies: 6
Views: 2085

Re: First 400 Words, Narrative Non-fiction

Thanks mnaylor, I appreciate it. I like the idea of changing the opening, been playing around with not opening with dialogue. I don't want the reader to be confused about what's happening, because I haven't set it up properly. Thoughts anyone?
by elmtree322
January 13th, 2011, 11:29 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: South Florida crime comedy opening comparison
Replies: 3
Views: 1368

Re: South Florida crime comedy opening comparison

Hi Nick, appreciate the encouragement to join in. I've left a few comments so far as I learn the type of feedback people are looking for here. I'm currently working on a second draft for my narrative non-fiction ms, called English Lessons. It's about a year I spent in London writing a column about a...
by elmtree322
January 12th, 2011, 10:37 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First 400 Words, Narrative Non-fiction
Replies: 6
Views: 2085

First 400 Words, Narrative Non-fiction

Hi there! I'm new to the boards, and after reading some great excerpts and commenting on a few, I felt inspired to share a bit from my manuscript. This is the beginning of chapter one of my narrative non-fiction ms, called English Lessons. Thanks in advance for any comments, I haven't had too many p...
by elmtree322
January 12th, 2011, 10:28 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Feedback Appreciated
Replies: 5
Views: 1557

Re: Feedback Appreciated

I like this second excerot a lot, it feels like more unique description than the original excerpt. If the first excerpt is still being used as the intro for the whole ms, I would suggest maybe focusing more on the character of Timothy in those first few paragraphs. It was a bit difficult to know whi...
by elmtree322
January 12th, 2011, 8:55 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: South Florida crime comedy opening comparison
Replies: 3
Views: 1368

Re: South Florida crime comedy opening comparison

Hi there! This is my first post but thought I'd give my two cents anyway. I'm a fan of the second opening, as I think it reads more polished. But I also like some of what you did in the first opening, like the action I could feel in reading the character's driving habits. Maybe you could work the tw...