Search found 16 matches
- November 19th, 2011, 4:52 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query for Beyond Paradise
- Replies: 5
- Views: 2355
Re: Query for Beyond Paradise
whipslip....thanks for your input...
Re: Query for Blood Red Turns Dollar Green
Paul...Sounds like a great story, but sadly if you can't get an agent to read your query I'm never going to be able to read it. First let me say that I am a novice, but one thing I have heard a million times is pick out your main character, what his problem is, what it will cost him and what he will...
- November 4th, 2011, 9:38 am
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Replies: 720
- Views: 451891
Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
BEYOND PARADISE Romantic Suspense Work Count: 250 After a few erratic twists of the steering wheel, Cheryl got the Jaguar close enough to the curb. The no-parking sign on the sidewalk didn’t bother her. Let the damn thing get towed. A visit to the Brooklyn Impound Lot would serve PJ right. She check...
- November 4th, 2011, 9:26 am
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
- Replies: 213
- Views: 183565
Re: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
Dear Mr. Bransford: Self defense makes Cheryl Benson kill her abusive lover. Blackmail makes her marry the only witness to the crime. A Long Island millionaire who needs a wife to secure his inheritance. Trapped in a loveless marriage Cheryl escapes to the Paradise Lounge for a few hours of freedom....
- November 3rd, 2011, 9:21 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query for Beyond Paradise
- Replies: 5
- Views: 2355
Re: Query for Beyond Paradise
Moni and wilderness....Thanks so much for your input. And yes I know you are right regarding the spousal abuse. But of course my character is not a criminal justice student, lawyer, police officer or any other person that would know the law and how it reads. She is a desperate woman who commits murd...
- November 2nd, 2011, 5:15 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query for Beyond Paradise
- Replies: 5
- Views: 2355
Query for Beyond Paradise
Here is a new and hopefully improved query for Beyond Paradise.....All comments and suggestions welcomed....thanks.... When Cheryl Benson kills her abusive lover in self defense, she believes she is finally safe. Until, the only witness to the crime, a Long Island millionaire, blackmails her into ma...
- October 18th, 2011, 10:05 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: First Page of "Beyond the Paradise"
- Replies: 15
- Views: 8339
Re: First Page of "Beyond the Paradise"
Thanks so much for your input. Will definitely look over your suggestions. As we all know what the agents want is a gamble and you never know but will keep moving on.
- October 1st, 2011, 11:43 am
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: First Page of "Beyond the Paradise"
- Replies: 15
- Views: 8339
Re: First Page of "Beyond the Paradise"
Thanks Chantelle....Have been working on and using all the helpful hints that you and others have supplied. Am attending a writer's conference in November and am hoping to have this piece in shape to read aloud. Thanks again....
- September 27th, 2011, 9:38 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: First Page of "Beyond the Paradise"
- Replies: 15
- Views: 8339
Re: First Page of "Beyond the Paradise"
Thanks so much Animia....Have been away due to a family emergency and just signed on and saw your post....Very helpful and useful critique...Will def make the changes you suggested....Again much thanks....
- September 12th, 2011, 7:38 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: First Page of "Beyond the Paradise"
- Replies: 15
- Views: 8339
Re: First Page of "Beyond the Paradise"
MZ......Its all good and I appreciate your input...As far as I'm concerned the query, and first pages are 50% luck and 50% talent. Have read many queries that go against all the rules and yet make the grade and others that follow the rules and get rejected. So it is always abt talent and that is ob...
- September 9th, 2011, 8:36 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: First Page of "Beyond the Paradise"
- Replies: 15
- Views: 8339
Re: First Page of "Beyond the Paradise"
MZ......Its all good and I appreciate your input...As far as I'm concerned the query, and first pages are 50% luck and 50% talent. Have read many queries that go against all the rules and yet make the grade and others that follow the rules and get rejected. So it is always abt talent and that is obj...
- September 8th, 2011, 11:07 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: First Page of "Beyond the Paradise"
- Replies: 15
- Views: 8339
Re: First Page of "Beyond the Paradise"
MZ....Thanks so much for the helpful feedback. Interesting what you said abt the beginning, but was happy you got a feel for it as it went on. Just interested....Since you said you don't read my genre, what do you usually read?
- September 7th, 2011, 9:05 am
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Prologue - Diary of an escaped con
- Replies: 6
- Views: 3814
Re: Prologue - Diary of an escaped con
Agree with Ginger about the switching of tenses. Makes it inconsistent. But with that said, I found myself reading and finishing. Good premise, just needs to be polished and tightened as there are also many unnecessay words, and repeating of the same thought....Good luck..
- September 7th, 2011, 8:58 am
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: First Page of "Beyond the Paradise"
- Replies: 15
- Views: 8339
Re: First Page of "Beyond the Paradise"
Thanks Ginger for the positive feedback, and sorry for the omission of genre......It is a romantic suspense, completed at 88,000 words. Cheryl is fleeing her abusive husband who blackmailed her into marriage. While hiding out at the Paradise Lounge, she finds love and intrigue.
- September 6th, 2011, 4:39 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: First Page of "Beyond the Paradise"
- Replies: 15
- Views: 8339
First Page of "Beyond the Paradise"
Looking for any and all comments. One agent said "Good writing, but not great" So in short I'm looking to make it great....thanks for any help you can offer.... Paradise Lounge Chapter 1 After a few erratic twists of the steering wheel, Cheryl got the Jaguar close enough to the curb. The n...