Search found 14 matches
- January 11th, 2011, 9:36 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: NEVER REMEMBER: YA Fantasy Revised
- Replies: 15
- Views: 5599
Re: NEVER REMEMBER: YA Fantasy Revised
Don't hate me for saying it, but I think you took out all the fun stuff! The bounty hunters just get a passing mention, the fact that she (I think) is dead....that's the stuff that sets your story apart! Focus on the good stuff! And you have plenty of good stuff!. Thanks again for all the feedback!...
- January 10th, 2011, 4:51 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Paranormal Romance Query
- Replies: 11
- Views: 3394
Re: Paranormal Romance Query
Thanks so much for taking another look at this. My responses are below. I can definitely make some changes based on your feedback. I understood the implications of the Valium, but the Valium and stilettos together left me wondering what she was going to do (I assume the stilettos are a pair of shoe...
- January 10th, 2011, 12:18 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Paranormal Romance Query
- Replies: 11
- Views: 3394
Re: Paranormal Romance Query
First and foremost - thanks again to Holly and dlj for all their help! Ok, I tried to answer some of the questions that came up, without adding too much to the word count. I have two different potential last paragraphs, and even with the longer one, the count is about 230. I'm fine with that, as lon...
- January 10th, 2011, 9:48 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: NEVER REMEMBER: YA Fantasy Revised
- Replies: 15
- Views: 5599
Re: NEVER REMEMBER: YA Fantasy
Hi! I agree on the points of the PP's. Added a few of my own below too. Thanks everyone for the advice! Hopefully you see some improvement here. To me this one seems a little shaky, but since I have all the answers it's a little hard to tell. Devi Ashara can only remember the last few years of her ...
- January 8th, 2011, 10:01 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Paranormal Romance Query
- Replies: 11
- Views: 3394
Re: Paranormal Romance Query
Ooooh....you are awesome!
It always amazes me how much an outside person can see that I can't when it comes to my own work. Thanks so much for doing this!
It always amazes me how much an outside person can see that I can't when it comes to my own work. Thanks so much for doing this!
- January 8th, 2011, 8:18 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Paranormal Romance Query
- Replies: 11
- Views: 3394
Re: Paranormal Romance Query
Thanks so much, Holly!
I would definitely like to trim it down...I just can't figure out where to do it! :) Thanks for the link too!
I would definitely like to trim it down...I just can't figure out where to do it! :) Thanks for the link too!
- January 7th, 2011, 10:23 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Paranormal Romance Query
- Replies: 11
- Views: 3394
Paranormal Romance Query
Hi All! I have to admit...I've written so many versions of this thing I can't even tell what makes sense anymore! So....any advice/comments are appreciated! Thanks! Alex Baroste's ideal boyfriend would never ask about her nightmares, or say 'I love you'. Not that relationships are a concern, because...
- January 7th, 2011, 6:46 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: NEVER REMEMBER: YA Fantasy Revised
- Replies: 15
- Views: 5599
Re: NEVER REMEMBER: YA Fantasy
Yeah....that pretty much describes my query too! Glad I could help. :)
- January 7th, 2011, 5:40 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: NEVER REMEMBER: YA Fantasy Revised
- Replies: 15
- Views: 5599
Re: NEVER REMEMBER: YA Fantasy
Hi there! I'm no expert,so all the usual caveats apply. Take what works and toss the rest. Sometime in the not so near future I plan on sending this out again. It'll be my third or fourth round of queries. The second to last paragraph was included after the first round as a way of catching the atte...
- January 7th, 2011, 11:53 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: SOUL SURVIVORS: PARANORMAL QUERY
- Replies: 12
- Views: 4420
Re: SOUL SURVIVORS: PARANORMAL QUERY
I'm still in the process of completing my own query, so all the usual caveats apply. I think you've got a good query. Just a few suggestions below. Also, you might want to think about telling the 2nd paragraph from Heidi's viewpoint. Right now, you switch over to Mrs. Podge for the first half of it...
- January 6th, 2011, 11:27 am
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: YA Fantasy - First 350 words
- Replies: 8
- Views: 3897
Re: YA Fantasy - First 350 words
Hey guys! I haven't been on here awhile and I was wondering what you think of my new first chapter start. Are you hooked? I am currently working on revisions for a publisher and agent, so I really would like to know if you are hooked or not. As always, be HARSH. :) CHAPTER ONE Vitiosus took slow st...
- January 6th, 2011, 11:06 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: CLASS (Literary fiction, maybe?)
- Replies: 8
- Views: 3245
Re: Query: CLASS (Literary fiction, maybe?)
Hello! I struggling with my own query, so the usual caveats apply. You've gotten some really good critiques above that said everything I would have, so I won't go into detail. I just wanted to point out one thing: Your MC sounds like a horrible person. LOL Now, that can be ok (think 'American Psycho...
- January 6th, 2011, 10:46 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Lost Cargo *updated version*
- Replies: 10
- Views: 3610
Re: Lost Cargo *updated version*
Hello! I'm in the midst of trying to cobble together my own query, so all the usual caveats apply! Thanks, sbs_mjc1. I appreciate your feedback. Some of the phrasing could be better, but does this draft seem to be going in the right direction? *Updated version* When college students Travis Maguire,...
- January 4th, 2011, 5:45 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: CALL US LEGION YA Paranormal Thriller revision#2 below
- Replies: 14
- Views: 5457
Re: CALL US LEGION YA Paranormal Thriller revision#2 below
I'll start off by saying I'm sorry to hear about your house! I hope everything goes smoothly and you get to move back soon! Now...on to the query. I'm still struggling with my own, so the usual caveats apply. Sorry everyone, my house flooded over Christmas. We are stuck in a hotel for a month, so I...