Search found 14 matches

by AContos
January 11th, 2011, 9:36 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: NEVER REMEMBER: YA Fantasy Revised
Replies: 15
Views: 2468

Re: NEVER REMEMBER: YA Fantasy Revised

Don't hate me for saying it, but I think you took out all the fun stuff! The bounty hunters just get a passing mention, the fact that she (I think) is dead....that's the stuff that sets your story apart! Focus on the good stuff! And you have plenty of good stuff!. Thanks again for all the feedback!...
by AContos
January 10th, 2011, 4:51 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Paranormal Romance Query
Replies: 11
Views: 1339

Re: Paranormal Romance Query

Thanks so much for taking another look at this. My responses are below. I can definitely make some changes based on your feedback. I understood the implications of the Valium, but the Valium and stilettos together left me wondering what she was going to do (I assume the stilettos are a pair of shoe...
by AContos
January 10th, 2011, 12:18 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Paranormal Romance Query
Replies: 11
Views: 1339

Re: Paranormal Romance Query

First and foremost - thanks again to Holly and dlj for all their help! Ok, I tried to answer some of the questions that came up, without adding too much to the word count. I have two different potential last paragraphs, and even with the longer one, the count is about 230. I'm fine with that, as lon...
by AContos
January 10th, 2011, 9:48 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: NEVER REMEMBER: YA Fantasy Revised
Replies: 15
Views: 2468

Re: NEVER REMEMBER: YA Fantasy

Hi! I agree on the points of the PP's. Added a few of my own below too. Thanks everyone for the advice! Hopefully you see some improvement here. To me this one seems a little shaky, but since I have all the answers it's a little hard to tell. Devi Ashara can only remember the last few years of her ...
by AContos
January 8th, 2011, 10:01 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Paranormal Romance Query
Replies: 11
Views: 1339

Re: Paranormal Romance Query

Ooooh....you are awesome!
It always amazes me how much an outside person can see that I can't when it comes to my own work. Thanks so much for doing this!
by AContos
January 8th, 2011, 8:18 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Paranormal Romance Query
Replies: 11
Views: 1339

Re: Paranormal Romance Query

Thanks so much, Holly!
I would definitely like to trim it down...I just can't figure out where to do it! :) Thanks for the link too!
by AContos
January 7th, 2011, 10:23 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Paranormal Romance Query
Replies: 11
Views: 1339

Paranormal Romance Query

Hi All! I have to admit...I've written so many versions of this thing I can't even tell what makes sense anymore! So....any advice/comments are appreciated! Thanks! Alex Baroste's ideal boyfriend would never ask about her nightmares, or say 'I love you'. Not that relationships are a concern, because...
by AContos
January 7th, 2011, 6:46 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: NEVER REMEMBER: YA Fantasy Revised
Replies: 15
Views: 2468

Re: NEVER REMEMBER: YA Fantasy

Yeah....that pretty much describes my query too! Glad I could help. :)
by AContos
January 7th, 2011, 5:40 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: NEVER REMEMBER: YA Fantasy Revised
Replies: 15
Views: 2468

Re: NEVER REMEMBER: YA Fantasy

Hi there! I'm no expert,so all the usual caveats apply. Take what works and toss the rest. Sometime in the not so near future I plan on sending this out again. It'll be my third or fourth round of queries. The second to last paragraph was included after the first round as a way of catching the atte...
by AContos
January 7th, 2011, 11:53 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: SOUL SURVIVORS: PARANORMAL QUERY
Replies: 12
Views: 1921

Re: SOUL SURVIVORS: PARANORMAL QUERY

I'm still in the process of completing my own query, so all the usual caveats apply. I think you've got a good query. Just a few suggestions below. Also, you might want to think about telling the 2nd paragraph from Heidi's viewpoint. Right now, you switch over to Mrs. Podge for the first half of it...
by AContos
January 6th, 2011, 11:27 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: YA Fantasy - First 350 words
Replies: 8
Views: 1846

Re: YA Fantasy - First 350 words

Hey guys! I haven't been on here awhile and I was wondering what you think of my new first chapter start. Are you hooked? I am currently working on revisions for a publisher and agent, so I really would like to know if you are hooked or not. As always, be HARSH. :) CHAPTER ONE Vitiosus took slow st...
by AContos
January 6th, 2011, 11:06 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: CLASS (Literary fiction, maybe?)
Replies: 8
Views: 1309

Re: Query: CLASS (Literary fiction, maybe?)

Hello! I struggling with my own query, so the usual caveats apply. You've gotten some really good critiques above that said everything I would have, so I won't go into detail. I just wanted to point out one thing: Your MC sounds like a horrible person. LOL Now, that can be ok (think 'American Psycho...
by AContos
January 6th, 2011, 10:46 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Lost Cargo *updated version*
Replies: 10
Views: 1571

Re: Lost Cargo *updated version*

Hello! I'm in the midst of trying to cobble together my own query, so all the usual caveats apply! Thanks, sbs_mjc1. I appreciate your feedback. Some of the phrasing could be better, but does this draft seem to be going in the right direction? *Updated version* When college students Travis Maguire,...
by AContos
January 4th, 2011, 5:45 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: CALL US LEGION YA Paranormal Thriller revision#2 below
Replies: 14
Views: 2372

Re: CALL US LEGION YA Paranormal Thriller revision#2 below

I'll start off by saying I'm sorry to hear about your house! I hope everything goes smoothly and you get to move back soon! Now...on to the query. I'm still struggling with my own, so the usual caveats apply. Sorry everyone, my house flooded over Christmas. We are stuck in a hotel for a month, so I...