Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Thank you very much Clara! Your feedback does help and you're absolutely right on the voice. I'm still working away on it, so we'll see if the next revision has any better luck.

You made the comment about your "first" query and the rejections.... was that for Jade's Hurricane?

I really like the element theme, but I have a soft spot as my MC also possesses a wind element control skill of sorts. :) Just kicking around some ideas here - take and leave as you see fit of course. :) The wind is stupid. Or at least, it’s having a laugh at thirteen year old Jade Kadeem. I agree ...

... VERSION 6 A few more tweaks compiled from various forums: Dear Ms./Mr. Agent, After overhearing she has an abducted twin sister Amanda is inconsolable. She is dumbfounded when her parents confess she’s an elf possessing immense magical powers. Yet Amanda resorts to atypical recklessness, fueled ...

Thank you Matt - I appreciate the feedback and glad to hear that I'm finally heading in the right direction lol. I can't believe how hard it's been to put together a query letter - it's been a real eye opener!

But the feedback from forums has been absolutely invaluable!

I agree with Wilderness in that you need to draw us in to your characters more and clearly define who your MC is. What does your MC want? What's preventing him from getting it? What's at stake? What are the consequences? It's also better if you can show us more than you tell us. While at the same ti...

... VERSION 5 JMB - thank you, an interesting point. To clarify, it isn't old for an elf at all, as they live to be a couple of thousand years old - but point definitely taken. Here's another revision and pleased to say that it clocks in at 271 words with all my contact info, shortest one yet! :) De...

... VERSION 4 Hi all, my apologies for having gone dark for awhile, my day job really got out of control lol. Anyway, I've been back at it and it was rather fun to read through all your comments again and all the mistakes I've been making lol. I've got a brand spanking new version of my query and I ...

I'm impressed, the story concept draws me in and I'd be interested in seeing more. I pretty much agree with everything the others say too and having read nearly a hundred queries and their critiques (ya I'm going cross eyed lol) I do know that this one would get picked on for structure and technical...

I really like the "concept" of this story idea. The query does need some work though. Mainly in that the main ingredients are lacking or missing all together: 1) voice - you have to convey the voice of your main character - you've definitely got a good start on this 2) enticement - your words must c...

Thanks ... AJ (is that what I should call you? lol) No problem on the other forums, there's three others I've been following: www.authonomy.com - this has been a slower moving and quieter forum site, however, it has also been a bit better quality in the couple of responses I've received (one in part...

... VERSION 3 Thanks again for all of the wonderful suggestions, I've received many from a couple of other forums to. The result of much reading, pondering, brainstorming and re-writing is the following revised QL. Please let me know what you think. Dear {Agent Name} Suddenly exposed to a world of m...

@ajcattapan thank you so much!!! Your suggestions are terrific and I completely "get" what you saying. I will definitely work through this to implement the tightening you portray! It is so nice and refreshing to get an outsiders perspective.

... VERSION 2 So I’m back, having spent the last several hours reading, reading, revising, reading some more, revising some more..... and I have a revision for you. I have found a ton of contradicting opinions on the general form/format of the query letter (should well known titles be referenced or ...

Thank you all so very much! I was quite nervous to post my query for feedback 1) because it's my first one and 2) because I knew it wasn't great but just couldn't put my finger on it! But your collective feedback has been truly kind, professional and helpful. I've been shocked at how difficult the q...

VERSION 1 Dear Mr. <Agent>, AWAKENING is a YA FANTASY novel that at 88,000 words, will appeal to readers of authors similar to Stephanie Meyer, Rick Riordan and J.K. Rowling. I am looking for the best fit for a long term relationship, not the first acceptance letter I can get for one book. It would...