Search found 19 matches

by lyndoncr
December 16th, 2010, 9:31 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Mask of Neoesis (newest query on post one.) ???
Replies: 15
Views: 2226

Re: Query; The Mask of Noesis, young adult fantasy

Far too many commas and a number of grammar issues. I think this new version is actually a little worse. Read it out loud a bunch of times and you'll find the mistakes. I'm not trying to be harsh, it just seems like you didn't spend a whole lot of time with this version. The simple mistakes wont giv...
by lyndoncr
December 15th, 2010, 8:55 pm
Forum: Ask Nathan
Topic: Printing a novel draft with Lulu?
Replies: 6
Views: 1520

Re: Printing a novel draft with Lulu?

You can keep the project completely private, print those two copies and delete the files. This should not affect your chances with anything else in the slightest. I've actually used them before for printing off drafts. It's a nice way to edit, holding the product in your hand and experiencing the we...
by lyndoncr
December 15th, 2010, 9:10 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Fantasy: WYRM FIEND, a new query
Replies: 15
Views: 2469

Re: YA Fantasy: WYRM FIEND, a new query

You lost me a little by the end. My interpretation: In your world dragons are actually shape shifters? Chris has this ability but is only half dragon, but he's scared of his dad finding out because he'll be murdered. I'm guessing if Chris is half dragon then his dad should know, after all ... he was...
by lyndoncr
December 14th, 2010, 8:50 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Mask of Neoesis (newest query on post one.) ???
Replies: 15
Views: 2226

Re: Query; The Mask of Noesis, young adult fantasy

reworked query post #4 Date Dear Agent, All Morgan Koda has known in her thirteen years is a miserable life with her horrible foster mother, Maybelle Owens , and her appalling twin grandsons , Steven and Mathew . But A ll that’s about to change when Morgan’s substitute (is this important?) English ...
by lyndoncr
December 14th, 2010, 2:16 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Mask of Neoesis (newest query on post one.) ???
Replies: 15
Views: 2226

Re: Query; The Mask of Noesis, young adult fantasy

This reads EXACTLY like Harry Potter. Netti made most of the cuts I would have, it's very repetitive between the first two paragraphs and had a grammatical error in the first line. I think it's worth starting this one fresh. What's actually special about Morgan? Why is she "chosen"? What choice does...
by lyndoncr
December 13th, 2010, 6:14 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: "With that"
Replies: 17
Views: 2273

Re: "With that"

Like you I've had a few "with that" and at that"'s ... pretty much all of them have been cut in subsequent drafts. They so often just feel unnecessary when read back. I've surely kept one or two though.
by lyndoncr
December 9th, 2010, 8:35 pm
Forum: Books
Topic: Can you enjoy the book even when you can't stand the author?
Replies: 13
Views: 13907

Re: Can you enjoy the book even when you can't stand the author?

I haven't had this problem myself. Thank you though for posting about this particular case, there's no way in hell I'll be supporting the book or its film now (despite my love for Timothy Olyphant). So I guess that answers the question doesn't it? heh. On the other side, knowing that an author is a ...
by lyndoncr
December 9th, 2010, 8:50 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: Music or quiet when you write?
Replies: 64
Views: 16741

Re: Music or quiet when you write?

I need absolute quiet for most things, including reading. Watching films and TV shows I get particularly antsy about anyone making noise or light around me. That said for a recent project there was a particular song I listened to on loop while I was in the ideas stage, I find it helps then. The nitt...
by lyndoncr
December 6th, 2010, 9:26 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Baker, The Puppeteer, and The Man In Pieces
Replies: 7
Views: 1466

Re: The Baker, The Puppeteer, and The Man In Pieces

I guess it does have some elements of horror to it, the first interlude is about an inn that gets eaten by a swarm of insects (including the two owners, one of whom had just accidentally killed a prostitute by sleeping on top of her). I guess that gives an indication of why it's kind of tough to pin...
by lyndoncr
December 6th, 2010, 10:21 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: The Baker, The Puppeteer, and The Man In Pieces: First pages
Replies: 2
Views: 1346

The Baker, The Puppeteer, and The Man In Pieces: First pages

I've had the prologue up on my blog for a while now but this is the first time I've posted any more than that for general viewing. Would love to hear any thoughts people have on the voice and flow etc. Be as brutal as you like, it's all time I appreciate. Here goes: - PROLOGUE - A quick one-two, For...
by lyndoncr
December 6th, 2010, 4:01 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Baker, The Puppeteer, and The Man In Pieces
Replies: 7
Views: 1466

Re: The Baker, The Puppeteer, and The Man In Pieces

-As to the unusual structure--why? Does each little 'in-between' section add or introduce something that will play a part in the next chapter? That's exactly what they are. That you asked the question means I didn't make this clear, so thank you. It sort of plays out like a mystery, with a bunch of...
by lyndoncr
December 5th, 2010, 5:45 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Baker, The Puppeteer, and The Man In Pieces
Replies: 7
Views: 1466

Re: The Baker, The Puppeteer, and The Man In Pieces

Thanks a ton Alienbogey. There are a couple things there you picked up on that I hadn't even noticed, such as "big numbers" being confusing, it's referring to coin, and the limb thing ... that was just stupid on my part, of course they aren't limbs, gah! I probably will take out the unusual structur...
by lyndoncr
December 5th, 2010, 2:32 am
Forum: Social Media and Book Promotion
Topic: Building a Platform
Replies: 6
Views: 1965

Re: Building a Platform

Grats on getting as far as you have! I had a quick look round your site, my two main gripes would be that the home page needs links within itself, not just words telling you to click over there. People on the net are lazy bastards I'm afraid. The other is that Papyrus font, it's kinda hideous. Love ...
by lyndoncr
December 5th, 2010, 2:16 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: *Revised* QUERY: THE DRAKE WAR
Replies: 40
Views: 7197

Re: QUERY: THE DRAKE WAR

I skipped straight to the rewrite so this comment is based solely on that. I really like the sound of this, though I think the query is far too short. Can we hear a little more about the former lover? Why he's the right choice to help her out. Also " ... meteor to destroy the creature along with mos...
by lyndoncr
December 5th, 2010, 1:02 am
Forum: Town Hall
Topic: The Introduction Thread
Replies: 616
Views: 192229

Re: The Introduction Thread

I've kind of skipped ahead here and started posting elsewhere. Ah well, a slightly belated Hello! Been lurking for a while but wanted to jump in with the hopes of learning or thing or two. Currently writing my second book while the first is bouncing out of Agent in boxes. Hopefully get to know a bun...