Search found 32 matches

by alienbogey
August 14th, 2011, 1:32 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: Endless Summer (of Polishing)
Replies: 12
Views: 4171

Re: Endless Summer (of Polishing)

I'm almost done with the edit/polishing of my 10th draft, which will result in the 11th.
by alienbogey
April 19th, 2011, 2:33 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: NOCTURNAL, psychological thriller
Replies: 6
Views: 1250

Re: NOCTURNAL, psychological thriller

Dale, I'll offer my thoughts. Keep in mind that I'm just another unpublished wannabe. Hey all, this is the first draft of my query for my new novel NOCTURNAL. (also still in first draft) All comments welcome. Dear (agent name here): When FBI profiler (What's a profiler?) Reardon Meeks goes to Albuqu...
by alienbogey
April 19th, 2011, 2:00 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: OVERBOARD - New 1st Person Query (4th Revision at Post 11)
Replies: 11
Views: 1871

Re: OVERBOARD - New 1st Person Query (4th Revision at Post 11))

Thanks for the comments! Here is the once-again-slightly-revised query with a question/comment following: Dear Amazing Agent, I pulled a trigger, killed my father, and half a year later I’m face down in Memphis mud trying to forget the girl who betrayed me. I buried Pa on our farm, guilt in my gut, ...
by alienbogey
April 16th, 2011, 12:48 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: OVERBOARD - New 1st Person Query (4th Revision at Post 11)
Replies: 11
Views: 1871

Re: OVERBOARD - New 1st Person Query (2nd Revision at Post 5)

Thank you everybody for your inputs. Slightly revised: Dear Amazing Agent, I pulled a trigger, killed my father, and half a year later I’m face down in Memphis mud trying to forget the girl who betrayed me. I buried Pa on our farm, guilt in my gut, and jumped on the first available steamboat. Over m...
by alienbogey
April 15th, 2011, 4:37 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: OVERBOARD - New 1st Person Query (4th Revision at Post 11)
Replies: 11
Views: 1871

Re: OVERBOARD - New 1st Person Query (2nd Revision Post 5)

Revised again: Dear Amazing Agent, I pulled a trigger, killed my father, and half a year later I’m face down in Memphis mud trying to forget the girl who betrayed me. I buried Pa on our farm, my guilt in myself, and jumped on the first available steamboat. Over many Mississippi River miles I met my ...
by alienbogey
April 14th, 2011, 8:33 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: OVERBOARD - New 1st Person Query (4th Revision at Post 11)
Replies: 11
Views: 1871

Re: OVERBOARD - New 1st Person Query

I'll make a few comments before posting my revised query below. • Thank you for the thoughtful, helpful replies. • Title: OVERBOARD has been the working title since the start, and I kept it here because I have posted query versions here under that title before. I've been asking my beta readers to su...
by alienbogey
April 12th, 2011, 7:13 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Plowshares into Swords - science fiction
Replies: 7
Views: 1761

Re: Query: Plowshares into Swords - science fiction

My comments: **** Dear agent, Lazarus is fifteen years old when the Leaf-haired freaks come out of the forest. They burn the family farm, kidnap his sister, and murder his dad. All this , after his family had been assured the earth was uninhabited in this timeline. That was the reason it had been ch...
by alienbogey
April 12th, 2011, 6:56 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: OVERBOARD - New 1st Person Query (4th Revision at Post 11)
Replies: 11
Views: 1871

OVERBOARD - New 1st Person Query (4th Revision at Post 11)

I can't seem to stay away from writing my query in the first person. Here's the latest, greatest attempt: Dear Agent, I pulled a trigger, killed my father, and half a year later I’m face down in Memphis mud trying to forget the girl who betrayed me. I buried my father in his grave, my guilt in mysel...
by alienbogey
March 14th, 2011, 7:48 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: New Direction for query for SAW IT COMING
Replies: 13
Views: 1916

Re: New Direction for query for SAW IT COMING

THIS IS THE NEW VERSION! Sam Oliveira doesn’t want to join the family business—not that he has a choice. Seeing the future is an inherited trait, one that makes him a valuable recruit for the Brazilian cartel boss that employs his mother. Sam's ability is coveted by drug dealers and human trafficke...
by alienbogey
December 23rd, 2010, 9:25 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: New Query Writing Method
Replies: 3
Views: 1087

Re: New Query Writing Method

Dang, so much for what I thought was an original idea.

Sigh.
by alienbogey
December 23rd, 2010, 3:22 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: OVERBOARD - Revision #1 Posted
Replies: 12
Views: 2237

Re: OVERBOARD - 1st Person & 3rd Person Queries

Below is Revision #1: Silas Jacobson loved Hannah Granger right up to the point that she betrayed him. It all started when he killed his father. It was a pure accident, but it drove him to take the next steamboat out of town carrying nothing but Pa’s bowie knife and a short temper. Silas brawls with...
by alienbogey
December 23rd, 2010, 1:33 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: New Query Writing Method
Replies: 3
Views: 1087

New Query Writing Method

After hours and hours of wrestling with writing my query I've come up with an idea that will very likely prove much easier and way more effective:

I'm going to get a MadLib book and fill in the blanks with characters, nouns, and verbs from my manuscript.

Seriously, it's either that or go insane.
by alienbogey
December 22nd, 2010, 1:16 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: OVERBOARD - Revision #1 Posted
Replies: 12
Views: 2237

Re: OVERBOARD - 1st Person & 3rd Person Queries

First, thanks for every comment. Observations: > Yes, I know the word count is high, but when you've gone from 220K to 170K you begin to feel that there's no fat left, just lean. I cut out a character that I loved and an entire journey, for example, and I can't think of a single scene left that isn'...
by alienbogey
December 16th, 2010, 9:55 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: OVERBOARD - Revision #1 Posted
Replies: 12
Views: 2237

Re: OVERBOARD - 1st Person & 3rd Person Queries

Fishfood, Thanks for the helpful input. Despite appearances to the contrary, I've been through each one of Query Shark's posts, from the first to the most recent, twice over. :) I know, I know, 169,000 words is a little (or a lot) over the top. The current draft is the 7th; the first draft weighed i...
by alienbogey
December 16th, 2010, 8:45 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: OVERBOARD - Revision #1 Posted
Replies: 12
Views: 2237

Re: OVERBOARD - 1st Person Query

Folks, here is my current best-effort at the query written in the third person. I would very much appreciation feedback on each, as well as opinions on which to most concentrate on improving. Thanks in advance. Dear Agent, Silas Jacobson killed his father. It was a pure accident, but his guilt drove...