Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Dear oldhousejunkie: thanks so much for your critique! And I'm sorry about the mess up in the previous post. Your comments are great and I've taken most of them. The only thing is: I can't, for the life of me, figure out how to make the first sentence stronger/more engaging. But, here goes for the r...

Thanks to glj, I've made a lot of changes to my query. In the first one, I didn't tell enough about Elsa and things that have happened to her - I'm trying to build some compassion for her with the reader. Or as glj says 'build sympathy'. It's also a little longer at about 390 words. Not sure if that...

Thank you glj!! This is exactly what I needed - you've given me great feedback on what needs improvement. I'll work on a revision and I'm hoping, if time permits, to have something up to show next week.

Hi again! Instead of putting this in the same, long post, I've made a separate post. I haven't added the secret yet, but have taken many suggestions. Please let me know what you think. Thanks so much for you help and advice!! I really appreciate it! Dear Agent: Elsa Kartchner struggles to share a fa...

Thanks Chris! I'd thought about adding some more Russian atmosphere, but wasn't sure how important that would be in the letter (and to the story as a whole). I do suppose there are many readers who like stories set in foreign places. It might make it stand out from the other women's fiction queries....

Thanks glj for your critique of my query letter! No, the secret is not about Elsa's or her daughter's father or anything predictable that we often see/read. It is something completely different. But that makes me rethink the entire letter, that maybe the letter's theme shouldn't be about the secret ...

Thanks Holly and Jaligard for your feedback! I might have to try another draft with the secret in it to make the reader root more for Elsa. I've been told by my beta readers that they were really thrilled Elsa was able to let go of the past and find happiness. Maybe that needs to come across more in...

Thanks so much for your feedback! It sounds like, so far, you think I should include the secret within the query letter. I've been so torn with that because the reader doesn't find out about the secret until several chapters in and I wasn't sure if I should give it away in the letter. Anyways, I'd l...

SORRY, I'M NEW HERE AND I PUT UP A SEPARATE POST WITH THE REVISIONS AND I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO DELETE THIS OLD ONE! I'M SO SORRY. NO NEED TO LOOK AT THIS ONE ANYMORE. PLEASE SEE THE NEWER POST INSTEAD THAT READS "2ND REVISION TO ELSA" - AGAIN, I'M SO SORRY! Hi everyone! I'm new here. I...