Search found 12 matches
- January 13th, 2011, 3:29 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: YA Fantasy: WYRM FIEND, a new query
- Replies: 14
- Views: 5411
Re: YA Fantasy: WYRM FIEND, a new query
Hi. This looks pretty good! It sounds interesting, and I really like the title. Please use 'Fiend' as much as possible. With a few changes, this should be a keeper. New update. New thoughts? Dear Agent, Life as a modern-day dragon slayer really is as cool as it sounds. At least that’s what Chris Dr...
- January 13th, 2011, 3:06 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Feedback Appreciated
- Replies: 5
- Views: 3193
Re: Feedback Appreciated
Hi. I vote for the updated version with a few changes. Unless 'fo'c'sle (correct spelling) is the name of a ship, it's lower case. Also, Why did his dad put him on the ship? Just a word or two of explanation would be nice. Thanks to all for your comments/remarks/suggestions. Based on this, I’ve mad...
- January 10th, 2011, 3:45 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: DARK, DARK LUCK, a YA urban Fantasy
- Replies: 12
- Views: 4654
Re: DARK, DARK LUCK, a YA urban Fantasy
Bron and Alleged Author: Thanks so much for all your helpful input! Yes, these queries are awful, and I've redone mine about twenty times. Aaack! With your suggestions, I am putting together another one that might make sense. It's hard to pare everything down without leaving out crucial info. Back t...
- January 10th, 2011, 11:06 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: CLASS (Literary fiction, maybe?)
- Replies: 8
- Views: 3261
Re: Query: CLASS (Literary fiction, maybe?)
As others have given good comments, I'll keep mine brief. First, I love the plot. It sounds interesting and offbeat enough to get an agent's attention. Then, for some reason, I like 'THIS IS GARCIA' for the title. Just my opinion. One thing that could be made clearer is the Academy. Give us more inf...
- January 4th, 2011, 12:33 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: DARK, DARK LUCK, a YA urban Fantasy
- Replies: 12
- Views: 4654
Re: DARK, DARK LUCK, a YA urban Fantasy
Thanks Emily and A La Vanille. I've taken your suggestions and rewritten this for clarity. Hope it is better. Explaining things like the Wild Magic would kill the mystery, so i left them. Thank you again. Revision 3... Dear agent, Cash Flaherty is fed up with his small Texas town and the office-boun...
- January 3rd, 2011, 7:34 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: DARK, DARK LUCK, a YA urban Fantasy
- Replies: 12
- Views: 4654
Re: DARK, DARK LUCK, a YA urban Fantasy
OK, here's the revised version. Cash Flaherty is fed up with his small Texas town and the office-bound future that’s mapped out for him. To break away, the seventeen-year-old books summer school in Ireland. It pisses off his workaholic dad, which suits Cash just fine. Whatever gets him a new life. H...
- January 3rd, 2011, 5:38 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: DARK, DARK LUCK, a YA urban Fantasy
- Replies: 12
- Views: 4654
Re: DARK, DARK LUCK, a YA urban Fantasy
Thanks, Krista,
Your suggestions are just what I needed. After doing about 50 of these, you start going cross-eyed.
I also like the Irish mobsters and will put it back in.
--Sandra
Your suggestions are just what I needed. After doing about 50 of these, you start going cross-eyed.
I also like the Irish mobsters and will put it back in.
--Sandra
- January 3rd, 2011, 1:51 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: DARK, DARK LUCK, a YA urban Fantasy
- Replies: 12
- Views: 4654
DARK, DARK LUCK, a YA urban Fantasy
Dear agent, Cash Flaherty is fed up with his small Texas town and the office-bound future that’s mapped out for him. To break away, the seventeen-year-old books summer school in Ireland. It pisses off his workaholic dad, which suits Cash just fine. Whatever gets him a new life. His luck takes a whee...
- January 3rd, 2011, 12:36 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: INVISIBLE: query second attempt
- Replies: 5
- Views: 2540
Re: INVISIBLE: query second attempt
Hi Jeanne: You've gotten lots of good response on this, but I wanted to add one more thing. I think that it needs a better sense of the MC herself. Her personality doesn't come through as much. We get to see what happens to her because of abilities, but how I'd like to see how it all affects her mor...
- November 17th, 2010, 12:25 am
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Forty Winks first page -YA paranormal adventure
- Replies: 9
- Views: 5070
Re: Forty Winks first page -YA paranormal adventure
Wow. Great concept. Love the creepy sister. Others have given good suggestions for change. Mine would be to drop the extraneous info that doesn't further Gabriel's story, motivation, etc. This might be a formatting error, but the industry standard now is one space after periods. Again, nice job. Th...
- November 16th, 2010, 10:45 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: YA Fantasy Query -- Glory or Death, 4th rev.
- Replies: 15
- Views: 6364
Re: YA Fantasy Query -- Glory or Death, 4th rev.
OOPS. I should've put Mageian.
Thanks D.Bond.
Thanks D.Bond.
- November 16th, 2010, 6:11 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: YA Fantasy Query -- Glory or Death, 4th rev.
- Replies: 15
- Views: 6364
Re: YA Fantasy Query -- Glory or Death, 3rd rev.
Hi D.S. This is a first read for me, so if some of my comments are redundant, please ignore. Your story sounds interesting, and with a little tweaking, your query will be a winner. The main thing I noticed was that this reads like a synopsis without much personality of Ayla coming through. You might...