Search found 12 matches

by Sanwrites
January 13th, 2011, 3:29 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Fantasy: WYRM FIEND, a new query
Replies: 15
Views: 2866

Re: YA Fantasy: WYRM FIEND, a new query

Hi. This looks pretty good! It sounds interesting, and I really like the title. Please use 'Fiend' as much as possible. With a few changes, this should be a keeper. New update. New thoughts? Dear Agent, Life as a modern-day dragon slayer really is as cool as it sounds. At least that’s what Chris Dr...
by Sanwrites
January 13th, 2011, 3:06 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Feedback Appreciated
Replies: 5
Views: 1869

Re: Feedback Appreciated

Hi. I vote for the updated version with a few changes. Unless 'fo'c'sle (correct spelling) is the name of a ship, it's lower case. Also, Why did his dad put him on the ship? Just a word or two of explanation would be nice. Thanks to all for your comments/remarks/suggestions. Based on this, I’ve mad...
by Sanwrites
January 10th, 2011, 3:45 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: DARK, DARK LUCK, a YA urban Fantasy
Replies: 12
Views: 2376

Re: DARK, DARK LUCK, a YA urban Fantasy

Bron and Alleged Author: Thanks so much for all your helpful input! Yes, these queries are awful, and I've redone mine about twenty times. Aaack! With your suggestions, I am putting together another one that might make sense. It's hard to pare everything down without leaving out crucial info. Back t...
by Sanwrites
January 10th, 2011, 11:06 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: CLASS (Literary fiction, maybe?)
Replies: 8
Views: 1592

Re: Query: CLASS (Literary fiction, maybe?)

As others have given good comments, I'll keep mine brief. First, I love the plot. It sounds interesting and offbeat enough to get an agent's attention. Then, for some reason, I like 'THIS IS GARCIA' for the title. Just my opinion. One thing that could be made clearer is the Academy. Give us more inf...
by Sanwrites
January 4th, 2011, 12:33 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: DARK, DARK LUCK, a YA urban Fantasy
Replies: 12
Views: 2376

Re: DARK, DARK LUCK, a YA urban Fantasy

Thanks Emily and A La Vanille. I've taken your suggestions and rewritten this for clarity. Hope it is better. Explaining things like the Wild Magic would kill the mystery, so i left them. Thank you again. Revision 3... Dear agent, Cash Flaherty is fed up with his small Texas town and the office-boun...
by Sanwrites
January 3rd, 2011, 7:34 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: DARK, DARK LUCK, a YA urban Fantasy
Replies: 12
Views: 2376

Re: DARK, DARK LUCK, a YA urban Fantasy

OK, here's the revised version. Cash Flaherty is fed up with his small Texas town and the office-bound future that’s mapped out for him. To break away, the seventeen-year-old books summer school in Ireland. It pisses off his workaholic dad, which suits Cash just fine. Whatever gets him a new life. H...
by Sanwrites
January 3rd, 2011, 5:38 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: DARK, DARK LUCK, a YA urban Fantasy
Replies: 12
Views: 2376

Re: DARK, DARK LUCK, a YA urban Fantasy

Thanks, Krista,
Your suggestions are just what I needed. After doing about 50 of these, you start going cross-eyed.
I also like the Irish mobsters and will put it back in.
--Sandra
by Sanwrites
January 3rd, 2011, 1:51 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: DARK, DARK LUCK, a YA urban Fantasy
Replies: 12
Views: 2376

DARK, DARK LUCK, a YA urban Fantasy

Dear agent, Cash Flaherty is fed up with his small Texas town and the office-bound future that’s mapped out for him. To break away, the seventeen-year-old books summer school in Ireland. It pisses off his workaholic dad, which suits Cash just fine. Whatever gets him a new life. His luck takes a whee...
by Sanwrites
January 3rd, 2011, 12:36 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: INVISIBLE: query second attempt
Replies: 6
Views: 1353

Re: INVISIBLE: query second attempt

Hi Jeanne: You've gotten lots of good response on this, but I wanted to add one more thing. I think that it needs a better sense of the MC herself. Her personality doesn't come through as much. We get to see what happens to her because of abilities, but how I'd like to see how it all affects her mor...
by Sanwrites
November 17th, 2010, 12:25 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Forty Winks first page -YA paranormal adventure
Replies: 9
Views: 3109

Re: Forty Winks first page -YA paranormal adventure

Wow. Great concept. Love the creepy sister. Others have given good suggestions for change. Mine would be to drop the extraneous info that doesn't further Gabriel's story, motivation, etc. This might be a formatting error, but the industry standard now is one space after periods. Again, nice job. Th...
by Sanwrites
November 16th, 2010, 10:45 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Fantasy Query -- Glory or Death, 4th rev.
Replies: 15
Views: 3418

Re: YA Fantasy Query -- Glory or Death, 4th rev.

OOPS. I should've put Mageian.
Thanks D.Bond.
by Sanwrites
November 16th, 2010, 6:11 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Fantasy Query -- Glory or Death, 4th rev.
Replies: 15
Views: 3418

Re: YA Fantasy Query -- Glory or Death, 3rd rev.

Hi D.S. This is a first read for me, so if some of my comments are redundant, please ignore. Your story sounds interesting, and with a little tweaking, your query will be a winner. The main thing I noticed was that this reads like a synopsis without much personality of Ayla coming through. You might...