Search found 13 matches
- October 26th, 2010, 12:09 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Young Adult Fantasy Query
- Replies: 22
- Views: 7663
Re: Young Adult Fantasy Query
Thanks priya g. I tried to answer all of your concerns. Maybe I made it worse, maybe not. The only thing I didn't really want to change (and tell me if I'm way off base here) is why the country's leader would kill Kat. I know your not supposed to be vague in a query letter, but revealing why she wou...
- October 23rd, 2010, 9:48 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: A Lullaby: giving it another shot
- Replies: 26
- Views: 7716
Re: A Lullaby: giving it another shot
Agora Beckwith’s life isn't getting any brighter by Dave’s love, its getting shorter I had to read this a couple of times. Something just seems a little off about it. Try rewording it and adding something about your main character. I think the word brighter seems a bit funny, though I do get the wh...
- October 23rd, 2010, 8:33 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Young Adult Fantasy Query
- Replies: 22
- Views: 7663
Re: Young Adult Fantasy Query
Okay, so my last posting didn't go so well. I think I got frustrated with then length and went about it all the wrong way, but I think this is a better attempt. Dear Agent; While on a high school field trip, an argument between Kat and her ex-friend ends in accidental bloodshed, an act that transpor...
- October 21st, 2010, 3:06 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Young Adult Fantasy Query
- Replies: 22
- Views: 7663
Re: Young Adult Fantasy Query
Okay, so I've got a lot of great feedback lately, but now I'm more lost than ever. Since one little detail led to more questions, more answers and more length, I decided to scrap a lot of it and make it more straight to the point and really make my conflict clear at the beginning. This definitely he...
- October 19th, 2010, 9:53 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Young Adult Fantasy Query
- Replies: 22
- Views: 7663
Re: Young Adult Fantasy Query
Thanks katbrauer. I think I'm getting pretty close now. I liked your suggestion about the "mean girls". That sentence seemed like too much of a simple statement of fact and might flow better now. I think I changed everything you suggested except for the word "enlist". I feel like...
- October 18th, 2010, 4:04 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: QUERY -- THE FERRYMAN -- Revision No. 1
- Replies: 12
- Views: 5439
Re: QUERY -- THE FERRYMAN
Dear Agent, Charlie wants what any man wants: love, adventure and the coins of recently deceased souls. Hmmmm, interested. He thought an afterlife as a ferryman was a lucky break. That gondola-rowing skeleton on his T-Shirt sure seems satisfied I'm not sure what this means. Is this a t-shirt he wear...
- October 18th, 2010, 12:26 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Young Adult Fantasy Query
- Replies: 22
- Views: 7663
Re: Young Adult Fantasy Query
Thanks fishfood! I made all the changes you suggested. They were great and sounded perfect. I'm feeling pretty good about this version. Thanks to all of you who helped me. Dear Agent; During a high school field trip, a heated argument between Kat and her ex-friend ends in accidental bloodshed. This ...
- October 15th, 2010, 9:19 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Young Adult Fantasy Query
- Replies: 22
- Views: 7663
Re: Young Adult Fantasy Query
Wow, you guys have been great! There were a lot of helpful suggestions to work through. I just hope I addressed them all. I think I'm still having some trouble with the passive voice rather than showing the story through the main characters actions, but hopefully the hook is better. I see now that I...
- October 15th, 2010, 7:19 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: The Little Black Box - Urban fantasy query *3RD REVISION*
- Replies: 12
- Views: 4688
Re: The Little Black Box - Urban fantasy query
Dear (specific agent): There's a vampire loose in Savannah, and Rachel Marsh sold the little black box it came out of. Rachel is a witch and shop owner in downtown Savannah making her living selling Too many --ing "making living selling. Could we try "who makes her living" And the oth...
- October 15th, 2010, 1:42 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Young Adult Fantasy Query
- Replies: 22
- Views: 7663
Re: Young Adult Fantasy Query
Thanks to both of you for your great suggestions. I tried to address all of your comments. I hope I answered all your questions, though I still seem to want to put too much info into once sentence. I'm a little worried about the length of it now and I'm also wondering if the opening sentence is a li...
- October 14th, 2010, 5:53 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Young Adult Fantasy Query
- Replies: 22
- Views: 7663
Young Adult Fantasy Query
Hi, this is my first time asking for feedback on my query letter. I haven't queried all that many agents, but I haven't had a bite yet, so I thought I would take another look at my letter before I continue. After checking out some of the other posts on this site, I don't know why I've never done thi...
- October 14th, 2010, 3:57 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: AMETHYST - YA Paranormal Romance/Fantasy - Query
- Replies: 18
- Views: 5982
Re: AMETHYST - YA Paranormal Romance/Fantasy - Query
If seventeen-year-old Sharlet Gales had known she was dating the son of the devil, she might have reconsidered. That's an awesome opening. After being stalked by him for weeks, Sharlet finally meets Kalav Devilson when Maybe use "and" instead of "when" it sound like her threat vi...
- October 13th, 2010, 1:52 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Mouths - YA Fantasy: All rejections, no requests = new query
- Replies: 13
- Views: 5538
Re: Mouths - YA Fantasy: All rejections, no requests = new query
PERSONALIZATION. MOUTHS is a young adult fantasy, complete at 85,000 words. In order to escape a dangerous parallel world, three disparate teenagers—a jock, a geek, and a chick who doesn't like labels, thank-you-very-much—must overcome their mutual distrust while eluding the monk who yanked them fro...