Search found 8 matches
- July 18th, 2019, 7:58 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: NEW - Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Replies: 207
- Views: 177916
Re: NEW - Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Title: Misbegotten Genre: YA, Historical Fiction First 250 Here I stand, society’s riffraff pregnant with the child of a big bug--wealthy important folks. I urinated on the wheat and barley seeds every day for four days. The barley sprouted which means I’m having a boy. I must confess the truth. I a...
- October 13th, 2010, 6:09 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: QUERY - A Scorpion's Nature
- Replies: 8
- Views: 3393
Re: QUERY - A Scorpion's Nature
Hey! Great sounding story. Middle graders SO love these types of stories. You should have NO trouble placing it. I am wondering about your hook. I wonder if it's just the way the sentence is arranged. Dear Agent, It sucks to lose every fight, but Ryan Laraway refuses to run from them like his dad, ...
- October 13th, 2010, 4:01 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query SEVENTY-TWO HOURS
- Replies: 7
- Views: 3136
Re: Query SEVENTY-TWO HOURS
Oh man, thank you all for such GREAT advice. I really appreciate it. Uh, er, back to the drawing board? :)
- October 13th, 2010, 3:55 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Queen of Heaven - YA Fantasy Query
- Replies: 15
- Views: 5952
Re: Queen of Heaven - YA Fantasy Query
GAH! I have joined this too late. Your query is hitting on EXCELLENT. How'd ya get so good at this and I stink so bad at it? UGH :) I really love your hook. I have been telling folks all day they need better hooks. They just need to read your first sentence and they can taste what I mean. I wish I ...
- October 13th, 2010, 1:10 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Wizard Seeking Trophy Bride
- Replies: 9
- Views: 3308
Re: Wizard Seeking Trophy Bride
Great sounding story, though,I do think you can move your first sentence down. That way you can head straight into the MEAT. You definitely need a hook. Build off the first sentence. It doesn't read easy. Maybe just changing a few words around will do the trick. Grandpap sounds like quite a charact...
- October 13th, 2010, 11:23 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Mouths - YA Fantasy: All rejections, no requests = new query
- Replies: 13
- Views: 5485
Re: Mouths - YA Fantasy: All rejections, no requests = new query
Great query here. I like the way you have presented the crux of your story at the beginning of your query. (And might I interject that the no requests thing probably has EVERYTHING to do with the query. Not that the query is stinko or anything. I just feel like no requests at all is due to the quer...
- October 13th, 2010, 9:09 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query SEVENTY-TWO HOURS
- Replies: 7
- Views: 3136
Query SEVENTY-TWO HOURS
This is my first time posting my query, ANYWHERE. Please shred the thing until there is nothing left. I am READY to query agents. I have contributed to critting queries, paid my dues. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and thanks so very, very much. :) May the shredding begin! Dear Agent, SEVENTY-TWO HOUR...
- October 13th, 2010, 8:57 am
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
- Replies: 213
- Views: 183528
Re: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
Dear Mr. Bransford, Thirteen-year-old best friends, Anna (a diabetic) and Claire have almost perfect lives, until their world is blown apart. They’re lost in the Blue Ridge Mountains―and nighttime is fast approaching. A massive thunderstorm strikes and they have gotten off the security of their trai...