Search found 8 matches

by robyn
July 18th, 2019, 7:58 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: NEW - Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 45
Views: 22315

Re: NEW - Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Title: Misbegotten Genre: YA, Historical Fiction First 250 Here I stand, society’s riffraff pregnant with the child of a big bug--wealthy important folks. I urinated on the wheat and barley seeds every day for four days. The barley sprouted which means I’m having a boy. I must confess the truth. I a...
by robyn
October 13th, 2010, 6:09 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY - A Scorpion's Nature
Replies: 8
Views: 1418

Re: QUERY - A Scorpion's Nature

Hey! Great sounding story. Middle graders SO love these types of stories. You should have NO trouble placing it. I am wondering about your hook. I wonder if it's just the way the sentence is arranged. Dear Agent, It sucks to lose every fight, but Ryan Laraway refuses to run from them like his dad, ...
by robyn
October 13th, 2010, 4:01 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query SEVENTY-TWO HOURS
Replies: 7
Views: 1328

Re: Query SEVENTY-TWO HOURS

Oh man, thank you all for such GREAT advice. I really appreciate it. Uh, er, back to the drawing board? :)
by robyn
October 13th, 2010, 3:55 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Queen of Heaven - YA Fantasy Query
Replies: 15
Views: 2509

Re: Queen of Heaven - YA Fantasy Query

GAH! I have joined this too late. Your query is hitting on EXCELLENT. How'd ya get so good at this and I stink so bad at it? UGH :) I really love your hook. I have been telling folks all day they need better hooks. They just need to read your first sentence and they can taste what I mean. I wish I ...
by robyn
October 13th, 2010, 1:10 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Wizard Seeking Trophy Bride
Replies: 9
Views: 1508

Re: Wizard Seeking Trophy Bride

Great sounding story, though,I do think you can move your first sentence down. That way you can head straight into the MEAT. You definitely need a hook. Build off the first sentence. It doesn't read easy. Maybe just changing a few words around will do the trick. Grandpap sounds like quite a charact...
by robyn
October 13th, 2010, 11:23 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Mouths - YA Fantasy: All rejections, no requests = new query
Replies: 13
Views: 2414

Re: Mouths - YA Fantasy: All rejections, no requests = new query

Great query here. I like the way you have presented the crux of your story at the beginning of your query. (And might I interject that the no requests thing probably has EVERYTHING to do with the query. Not that the query is stinko or anything. I just feel like no requests at all is due to the quer...
by robyn
October 13th, 2010, 9:09 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query SEVENTY-TWO HOURS
Replies: 7
Views: 1328

Query SEVENTY-TWO HOURS

This is my first time posting my query, ANYWHERE. Please shred the thing until there is nothing left. I am READY to query agents. I have contributed to critting queries, paid my dues. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and thanks so very, very much. :) May the shredding begin! Dear Agent, SEVENTY-TWO HOUR...
by robyn
October 13th, 2010, 8:57 am
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 213
Views: 120225

Re: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Dear Mr. Bransford, Thirteen-year-old best friends, Anna (a diabetic) and Claire have almost perfect lives, until their world is blown apart. They’re lost in the Blue Ridge Mountains―and nighttime is fast approaching. A massive thunderstorm strikes and they have gotten off the security of their trai...