Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Thank you so much for the feedback! Although I really really don't want to change the names, you do have a very good point about it being kinda confusing. And I've decided to lengthen the book some. What's another 20,000 or so words, anyway? (-_-)'

Version 1.2 Dear Agent, Dade couldn't fix Summer. Ever since his best friend committed suicide, Dade's spent his life in an anti-social, self-destructive bubble. He's moved through life in an apathetic haze, using stolen cigarettes and a gameboy as his only means of consolation. But when Duran Tana...

(-_-)' Yeah the word actually is consolation. I could have sworn consolance was a word. Thanks so much for pointing that out.

I think I will give it another shot. Thank you so much for the suggestions!

Dear [Agent], The people of Dereshan have waited centuries for their saviour, a child with two-toned eyes and the heir of the last dragon queen. But for Dani Strider, ignorant of her heritage after growing up on earth, the uncontrolled magic coursing through her is a curse. All it’s ever gotten her ...

I know I haven't posted in a while, but thanks to some critique I've gotten on this forum in the past I realized a lot of things about query writing. Thank you all, and after smartly dumping some moronic ideas that never really had that much of a plot to begin with. Here I come with something that s...

I know I haven't totally finished my HALEY query yet, but this is the query for the book that I plan on writing for NaNoWriMo, so I wanted an opinion it it before I started. What do you think? ======= Dear Agent, Nineteen year-old Janet Nakano loves her brother Jude. That's why she has to kill his ...

It's much more fun and less terrifying to critique everyone else's queries! I'm hoping some of you can pick up on things I'm blind to as the author. I do have several versions, but this one seemed to fit the "romance query" prototype the best even though the novel isn't a strict romance. ...

Thank you everyone for the wonderful advice! I haven't logged on in a while so boy was it a surprise to me to see all this great advice! Thank you! So here is my revised query -- I tried to take as much advice from everyone as I could and here is the outcome! I hope it's better than last time :D ---...

I know I haven't totally finished my HALEY query yet, but this is the query for the book that I plan on writing for NaNoWriMo, so I wanted an opinion it it before I started. What do you think? ======= Dear Agent, Nineteen year-old Janet Nakano loves her brother Jude. That's why she has to kill his g...

Thank you so much for all of your advice!!!

I'll post up the new query as soon as I can, thank you!

Okay, here is the new query! Thank you everyone for your advice! --- Dear Agent, Sixteen year-old Alex Montoya hates children. But other than babysitting he's run out of options to make money. A couple replies to his ad, asking him to babysit their twelve year-old son, Haley. Alex finds himself dea...

Wow, thanks for the advice polymath and margo!I have put the query in the query section for query critique, but I thought that asking for help on the plot wasn't for the query section. Polymath I completely agree that it's Psychological Thriller. Thanks! I'll try to put in there what triggers Haley...

I already redid a version of the query before you responded though. I'll redo it according to your guidelines too, but here's what it looked like before. --- Dear Agent, Despite the fact that Alex isn't that fond of children, he puts a babysitting ad in the paper. He intends on getting an easy job -...

Thanks Thermocline! Wonderful advice!

Hi, new member here. I'm going to post the query of my book, but I don't want query advice. I want plot advice. Can you please help me out? How is the plot? Does it make sense? What would you change? What would you add? Thank you in advance! ------ Despite the fact that Alex isn't that fond of chil...