Search found 16 matches

by pavloviandoggy
October 9th, 2010, 6:24 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 213
Views: 120293

Re: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Young Deccaura is smitten. From the moment they meet, exotic Piorri captivates Deccaura with his talent for art and archery. As Piorri teaches Deccaura about his tribe’s culture, mundane treks in her father’s groves become grand adventures. Then a foreign plague strikes Deccaura’s family and her chi...
by pavloviandoggy
October 8th, 2010, 5:50 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Fantasy query- The Beacon.
Replies: 9
Views: 1666

Re: Fantasy query- The Beacon.

Ok, thank you for all the constructive input. Everyone is very positive. Here is my third draft. I decided to cut down the first paragraph to two sentences. I’d still like to hint at racial tensions, since it’s a conflict in the novel. I also cut down some of the second paragraph. She did come off a...
by pavloviandoggy
October 7th, 2010, 12:45 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Fantasy query- The Beacon.
Replies: 9
Views: 1666

Re: Fantasy query- The Beacon.

Here is round two. I've tried to revise the original query by expanding on the conflicts from the first third of the book, just before the country is invaded. Dear Agent’s Name, Deccaura lives a carefree life, exploring her father’s groves in Balla and playing with the charming and exotic Piorri. De...
by pavloviandoggy
October 6th, 2010, 11:20 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 720
Views: 283260

Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Title: The Beacon Genre: Fantasy Sitting on a portico overlooking former Orcani, I pray for memory loss. I ask my goddess to wash away thoughts of riots and wars in the calm waters of senility. Alas, though I feel my years in every joint, my mind has not faded. Images of my past flash mercilessly ac...
by pavloviandoggy
October 6th, 2010, 9:57 pm
Forum: Books
Topic: YA books for a fifteen- year- old boy
Replies: 15
Views: 5372

YA books for a fifteen- year- old boy

Hey there, I have a fifteen- year-old male relative that does not read. Everyone else in the family reads, and their vocabulary has benefited from it. I want my teenage relative to have the same advantages. I've already looked into the young adult section at local bookstores, but they all seem rathe...
by pavloviandoggy
October 6th, 2010, 9:38 pm
Forum: Finding An Agent
Topic: Which five pages?
Replies: 12
Views: 2711

Re: Which five pages?

Thanks Jessa!
by pavloviandoggy
October 6th, 2010, 8:55 pm
Forum: Finding An Agent
Topic: Which five pages?
Replies: 12
Views: 2711

Re: Which five pages?

I have a few questions slightly related to this. 1) Should the format of the excerpt be the same as the query? Because most emails use block text, but most manuscripts don't. 2) What if the pages end mid- sentence or mid-dialogue? Should we have a few lines extra or a few lines less?
by pavloviandoggy
October 6th, 2010, 8:06 pm
Forum: Books
Topic: Weird bookstores?
Replies: 6
Views: 1126

Re: Weird bookstores?

There's a used bookstore where I live. I love it and I've been going there since I was eight, but it looks VERY sketchy. I believe that it used to be a warehouse, so there's no windows. And they built a second wing by knocking down a wall to a storage shed and building a breezeway. But I still go th...
by pavloviandoggy
October 6th, 2010, 7:56 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: YA - adventure/mystery - 1/4 Chapter 12
Replies: 5
Views: 1590

Re: YA - adventure/mystery - 1/4 Chapter 12

I was just wondering if my written English has improved from chapter one (written in December 09) to chapter 12 (written recently). I know my English speech has improved, as I don't have to substitute some English words with Norwegian ones, when I talk to my family. In chapter one I mixed the past ...
by pavloviandoggy
October 6th, 2010, 7:04 pm
Forum: Books
Topic: Do you like books that make you feel happy or sad?
Replies: 10
Views: 1538

Re: Do you like books that make you feel happy or sad?

I find books that make me happy more entertaining. But the books I REMEMBER and I view as literature tend to be sad. That's partly because only well-written books make me care about the characters. Still, the BEST books can have humor and tragic elements. I still remember reading A Prayer for Owen M...
by pavloviandoggy
October 6th, 2010, 6:10 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: The promised expansion of MIRROR sample text
Replies: 2
Views: 1016

Re: The promised expansion of MIRROR sample text

First, I'd like to say that the excerpt is very engaging. It makes me want to know more about the institution. I also like your use of the second person. Okay, so I spent my day today in institutional halls. Not THOSE halls, but maddening enough. I drafted out my first run at a query more quickly th...
by pavloviandoggy
October 6th, 2010, 5:21 pm
Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
Topic: Want a Crit Partner? Yea, me too!
Replies: 2
Views: 1161

Re: Want a Crit Partner? Yea, me too!

If you're open to other genres, I would gladly trade manuscripts. I've been working on a high fantasy novel with a lot of religious themes. It revolves around Deccaura, a queen that has an affair before her kingdom is invaded. Mine is already finished at 120,000 words but I can just send you the fir...
by pavloviandoggy
October 6th, 2010, 4:58 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query 'Kat's Tale'
Replies: 7
Views: 1151

Re: Query 'Kat's Tale'

Dear Agent, Adam and Eve were the first beings to be created by the Great Lord and it is well known that they had children when they left the Garden of Ihdun, but what about before their fall? Did they have children before they were expelled? Were there other races living with them as well? Get rid...
by pavloviandoggy
October 6th, 2010, 4:48 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Speculative Sci/Fan Query - FREE TO FORGIVE
Replies: 12
Views: 2125

Re: Speculative Sci/Fan Query - FREE TO FORGIVE

Phew, it's stopped being hot where I live so the summer blues is wearing off. Time to get back into writing! So, after spending a few hours reading Query Shark and other stuff about queries, I was once again inspired to work on my own query. This is the best version I've come up with so far, so I f...
by pavloviandoggy
October 6th, 2010, 4:29 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: AMÉRICA! - Query - Historical Fiction
Replies: 21
Views: 2794

Re: AMÉRICA! - Query - Historical Fiction

This probably won't make much of a difference, but I recall Bransford saying he doesn't want to know how you researched the novel.