Search found 63 matches

by fishfood
April 16th, 2011, 10:35 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE WIND CRIES MARY YA Modern historical
Replies: 10
Views: 2048

Re: THE WIND CRIES MARY YA Modern historical

Hey! I remember this from a while back, did you change the title? I am approaching you to represent my YA road-trip/ drama THE WIND CRIES MARY because I read that you are drawn to novels that deal with personal journey and transformation. My protagonist chooses a path that forever changes her life. ...
by fishfood
April 16th, 2011, 10:23 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Moonlight Falters (new version at page 2)
Replies: 19
Views: 2955

Re: Query - Moonlight Falters (new version at post 4)

Ah! This is SOO much better!! fishfood and AllieS, thank you so much! This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear because I obviously didn't spend enough time researching queries before posting this. Both of y'all are so nice to be so nice to me in your critiques. I apologize for making y'all read that fi...
by fishfood
April 16th, 2011, 12:32 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Moonlight Falters (new version at page 2)
Replies: 19
Views: 2955

Re: Query - Moonlight Falters (Contemporary Fantasy)

I'll take a quick stab at this. Overall, you need to get straight to the conflict and I fear given the over inclusion of adjectives in your query (which agents hate), your manuscript might have a bit too many as well (which doesn't bode well either...). With that said, some peope like flowery prose,...
by fishfood
April 13th, 2011, 1:19 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: REDDO, YA Urban Fantasy LAST POST
Replies: 20
Views: 3241

Re: REDDO: New format for YA Urban Fantasy

Hey guys. So I decided to look at everything you've said about my query drafts, and wrote a new one based on my memory of what I'd liked about my previous queries, and all the awesome, helpful comments you've left. The result is that I've shortened it, and I think it might possibly be the final dra...
by fishfood
April 13th, 2011, 12:57 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Plowshares into Swords - science fiction
Replies: 7
Views: 1620

Re: Query: Plowshares into Swords - science fiction

Here's the latest draft taking into account some of the suggestions. Is it too short now? Does it reveal enough about the plot? **** Dear agent, Lazarus is fifteen years old when the Leaf-haired freaks come out of the forest. They burn the family farm, kidnap his sister, and murder his dad. All thi...
by fishfood
April 9th, 2011, 11:36 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - God from the Machine
Replies: 5
Views: 901

Re: Query - God from the Machine

Hokay, so, I've run through my manuscript quite a few times, had some beta readers, and I think I'm ready to start querying. But then every time I say the word "query", I start to sweat. I only have on version of my query...here it is: Dear Agent, It’s the future and Ray Thomas is a man obsessed wi...
by fishfood
April 4th, 2011, 11:10 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - The Cacao Conspiracy - newest version in post 16
Replies: 15
Views: 2668

Re: Query - The Cacao Conspiracy - edited version in post 9

Thank you Quill, AllieS and Fishfood for your comments on the previous version. Hopefully this one is better. I loved the phrase "dark side of the sweet treat" but in the spirit of killing your darlings, I've gotten rid of it and I think the first paragraph flows better and gets to the point more q...
by fishfood
April 4th, 2011, 10:48 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Romance Query: COVET *Revision 3 posted (4.5.11)*
Replies: 19
Views: 3440

Re: Romance Query: COVET *Revision 2 on first post*

Thanks Bron! I actually agree with a lot of your awesome feedback, thanks for taking the time. Based on some separate feedback, I still left some things in only because one person will say I need this, the other will say I don't and I suppose in the end, if it doesn't burden the word count too much,...
by fishfood
March 30th, 2011, 3:56 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - The Beautiful People
Replies: 20
Views: 2687

Re: Query - The Beautiful People

Here's my nitpicking... ;) Thanks again everyone! Here's the latest (and hopefully final...lol like that's going to happen xD) draft of the query. Tell me what you think: In Santiago Chile’s Beverly Hills, seventeen-year-old upper-crust princess Cote commits a mortal sin—falling for working class mu...
by fishfood
March 30th, 2011, 3:45 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - UTOPIA UNRAVELING - edited
Replies: 5
Views: 921

Re: Query - UTOPIA UNRAVELING

My suggestions are based on if you discarded the opening paragraph. Or instead of saying "botched lover's vengeance," decide if it's necessary to give a 2 liner about what happened and why it got her fired. Or you can try a different, more simple angle in describing her character. Like how she ends ...
by fishfood
March 30th, 2011, 3:26 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query-THE GREAT TURBULENCE AND MALCONTENT OF BRIMLEY TINDERB
Replies: 6
Views: 1414

Re: Query-THE GREAT TURBULENCE AND MALCONTENT OF BRIMLEY TINDERB

Hey again, I think the first thing I'd try to do is get it under 250 words. Preferably the actual summary closer to 200 words. So I'll try to suggest some cuts and tightening up to give you some ideas. New version: In 1665 London, Brimley openly criticizes King Charle's II's heavy tax rule with his ...
by fishfood
March 28th, 2011, 3:38 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: ASSASSIN PI - Romantic Suspense
Replies: 7
Views: 1232

Re: QUERY: ASSASSIN PI - Romantic Suspense

This sounds fun and your writing is cute and sassy! It's a great idea to write a query before writing the novel sometimes as a way to test your book and get your motivation going (something I think I'm going to try and do with my next novel.). Note: This novel is not completed yet, hence no word cou...
by fishfood
March 27th, 2011, 6:04 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query-THE GREAT TURBULENCE AND MALCONTENT OF BRIMLEY TINDERB
Replies: 6
Views: 1414

Re: Query-THE GREAT TURBULENCE AND MALCONTENT OF BRIMLEY TINDERB

Is it too long? What else is wrong? In 1665 London, Brimley Tinderbuss after escaping three marriages falls in love with writing. This is a somewhat odd opening, I don't think it's particularly relevent to the query and only leaves us scratching our head. "escaping three marriage?" The political ti...
by fishfood
March 22nd, 2011, 10:31 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA contemporary CALL ME CRAZY
Replies: 10
Views: 2373

Re: YA contemporary CALL ME CRAZY

I think lowercase secret still poses the same problem (no pun intended...). You have to decide if revealing what the secret/problem is in the query is a better option. I honestly don't know... I personally like stab-murdered. I think it fits the voice. :) Not sure you necessarily to to add any more ...
by fishfood
March 22nd, 2011, 10:17 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Urban Fantasy Query
Replies: 21
Views: 3156

Re: YA Urban Fantasy Query REVISED

And . . . here we go again. By the way, I know a lot of you are asking why Sophie didn't ask who her true love is, but don't worry, it's explained in the book. I feel as though mentioning it in the query isn't absolutely necessary. In this version, I mostly tried tightening up the last paragraph. I...