Search found 13 matches

by Debra_A
October 7th, 2010, 11:02 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for a Fantasy novel 3rd Draft!!
Replies: 17
Views: 2234

Re: Query for a Fantasy novel 3rd Draft!!

Draft one Emma, a Christmas Angel, lands, torn and bleeding, in the arms of a vampire. Together they must try to save humanity from a murderer who inhabits Heaven while God is trapped in Hell. Emma the Seraphim is an unconventional angel with a dirty mouth. Jason Parish is a vampire who has yet to ...
by Debra_A
October 7th, 2010, 10:52 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for a Fantasy novel 3rd Draft!!
Replies: 17
Views: 2234

Re: Query for a Fantasy novel.

Quill wrote:
Debra_A wrote:

Here is try 3, I changed the point of view a bit. Any impressions? I appreciate your feedback! Thanks.
Where is try 3? Would you mind posting new versions in line in the thread so we can easily follow the progression?

Meantime I'll look around some more! Thanks!

Sure! Let me go grab them. ;)
by Debra_A
October 7th, 2010, 10:36 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for a Fantasy novel 3rd Draft!!
Replies: 17
Views: 2234

Re: Query for a Fantasy novel.

Jack’s been Satan for a thousand years. He knows how to be good, but his body accepts evil like an addictive drug. Jack’s talents lie in torture and seduction. Every woman that is condemned to Hell submits to him, that is until a broken Angel forces her way into his domain. Jack can still smell the ...
by Debra_A
September 26th, 2010, 10:27 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Conundrum
Replies: 9
Views: 1697

Re: Query Conundrum

Richard's only wish is for a family would adopt him. Instead he has found himself adopted by Dr. Holmes. Dr. Holmes wants to learn about Richard's suspected telepathic abilities, with a scalpel if necessary. Rebecca, having lost her husband to heroin addiction and her son to bureaucrats wielding re...
by Debra_A
September 25th, 2010, 9:36 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for a Fantasy novel 3rd Draft!!
Replies: 17
Views: 2234

Re: Query for a Fantasy novel.

Emma, a Christmas Angel, I think you might need to expound on this point. There are different types of angels? Help the agent know why it's significant that she's this type of angel. And how is it different from a seraphim? The two different titles get confusing in this short a space. lands, torn a...
by Debra_A
September 24th, 2010, 9:01 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for a Fantasy novel 3rd Draft!!
Replies: 17
Views: 2234

Re: Query for a Fantasy novel.

Okay. I will do another draft. I appreciate your time and opinion!
by Debra_A
September 24th, 2010, 7:26 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for a Fantasy novel 3rd Draft!!
Replies: 17
Views: 2234

Re: Query for a Fantasy novel 2nd draft

Thank you all for your help! I've paired the meat of the query down to the following sentences: Is it too little to offer? What obvious thing am I missing? Thank you all so very much. Writing seems like a lonely past time, it is so nice to hear from others doing the same thing. Emma the Seraphim is ...
by Debra_A
September 24th, 2010, 5:12 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for a Fantasy novel 3rd Draft!!
Replies: 17
Views: 2234

Re: Query for a Fantasy novel.

Hi Debra! Emma, a Christmas Angel, lands, torn and bleeding, in the arms of a vampire. I really think that this first sentence needs something more too it if you are going to keep it as the opening for the query. And I sort of find it a little bit confusing. "lands, torn and bleeding, in the arms o...
by Debra_A
September 24th, 2010, 5:11 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for a Fantasy novel 3rd Draft!!
Replies: 17
Views: 2234

Re: Query for a Fantasy novel.

Hi Debra. Queries are so difficult, so good first try. I'm no expert on queries, mine also has gone through tons of revisions and still needs work. I do have some comments, though. First of all, this query left me with more questions than answers. Why does Emma land in the arms of a vampire? Why do...
by Debra_A
September 21st, 2010, 8:41 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for a Fantasy novel 3rd Draft!!
Replies: 17
Views: 2234

Re: Query for a Fantasy novel.

Wow, Debra_A! Your protagonists have to save God? Could you have given them a BIGGER task? 'Jason's wait on Earth includes and vicious assault from their enemy who is using Heaven's entire arsenal for evil.' sounds like it's missing a word or two. Thanks! I will look at that wording again. Saving G...
by Debra_A
September 21st, 2010, 7:43 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for a Fantasy novel 3rd Draft!!
Replies: 17
Views: 2234

Re: Query for a Fantasy novel.

Hi Debra, I've only reviewed a dozen or so queries, and have been working on my own (it's on the forums, and you can see for yourself that it's far from good), so take the following for what it's worth! Emma, a Christmas Angel, lands, torn and bleeding, in the arms of a vampire. I thought this firs...
by Debra_A
September 21st, 2010, 1:33 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for a Fantasy novel 3rd Draft!!
Replies: 17
Views: 2234

Query for a Fantasy novel 3rd Draft!!

So this is the first try at CS's query letter. My goal is to keep it short and informative (like everyone else, I'm sure) I apprecaite any crit you are willing to offer, and I am open to reading things from others, let me know with a message! Emma, a Christmas Angel, lands, torn and bleeding, in the...
by Debra_A
September 21st, 2010, 1:27 pm
Forum: Town Hall
Topic: The Introduction Thread
Replies: 613
Views: 189706

Re: The Introduction Thread

Hi!

I'm a writer and a mom and a reader. I'm researching and brushing up on query practice for submitting my second manuscript. The first is sort of in limbo, being read by an agent and a publisher. While I wait for their answers, I decided to start making a package for the second manuscript. So hi!