Search found 18 matches

by EllieAnn
October 4th, 2010, 3:54 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: MG Fantasy: Demas' First Task: The Prophecy of Rob
Replies: 7
Views: 1208

Re: MG Fantasy: Demas' First Task: The Prophecy of Rob

Gotcha. Will do that next time!
by EllieAnn
October 3rd, 2010, 10:44 am
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 720
Views: 278443

Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Demas' First Task: The Prophecy of Rob MG Fantasy Early in the morning Demas and his mama, Karla, raced their horses around the property. Demas usually hated being out of bed before eight o'clock, but he had woken with an acute feeling of unrest. It was like an itch on the back of his soul, uncomfor...
by EllieAnn
September 16th, 2010, 9:45 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: THE GHOST OF ME - CHAPTER 1
Replies: 9
Views: 1612

Re: THE GHOST OF ME - CHAPTER 1

This felt more like stream of consciousness than first person. So many details. Because it was first person present (which is SUCH a hard tense to pull off), it was pretty hard to follow what was happening, to weed out the important details and to see the big picture. Instead of being frightened wit...
by EllieAnn
September 16th, 2010, 9:37 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Shadows - First Chapter (Revised)
Replies: 26
Views: 6842

Re: Shadows - First Chapter (Revised)

My only problem is this: I WANT MORE!
You are a fantastic writer with an awesome story--I hope you get published!
by EllieAnn
September 16th, 2010, 2:35 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Whip-Slip query
Replies: 68
Views: 8556

Re: The Whip-Slip query

You have a fantastic query. You have such an awesome voice and a smart plot. If I was an agent, I'd definitely ask for a synopsis and partial MS right away! :-)

Good luck with getting published.
by EllieAnn
September 16th, 2010, 10:56 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: MG Fantasy: Demas' First Task: The Prophecy of Rob
Replies: 4
Views: 1030

Re: MG Fantasy: Demas' First Task: The Prophecy of Rob

Dear Beth,
Thanks for your fantastic edit! You have some really astute suggestions that have really helped tighten my first chapter. Thank you!
Good luck with your first chapter. Have you posted it in the forums?
-Ellie
by EllieAnn
September 15th, 2010, 4:44 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: MG historical novel, query revised
Replies: 25
Views: 3896

Re: MG historical novel, query revised

That is the perfect sentence to allude to redemption! It is SO hard to summarize key points and themes in your work. After all, isn't that what you just tried to spend 250 pages explaining? :-) Best of luck getting published! ps. I'd love to hear your feedback on my query (MG fantasy: Demas' First T...
by EllieAnn
September 15th, 2010, 3:19 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: MG Fantasy: Demas' First Task: The Prophecy of Rob
Replies: 4
Views: 1030

MG Fantasy: Demas' First Task: The Prophecy of Rob

Chapter One: Thou Shalt Not Slay Animals Uselessly Be wary, my friends. Not all of the King’s tasks go down like honeyed butter. -Prophecy of Jubilee Early in the morning, Demas and his mama, Karla, raced their horses around the property. Demas usually hated being out of bed before eight o'clock, bu...
by EllieAnn
September 15th, 2010, 3:01 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for The During Time, a work of women's fiction
Replies: 6
Views: 954

Re: Query for The During Time, a work of women's fiction

Wow. I'm instantly mesmerized by your story. And honestly, I don't think it needs much more work. It sounds like an amazing book! So exciting! Just a few notes: -I'd agree that you should stick to one character's POV. If Reich is the main protag, then always paint Emily as the love interest-the side...
by EllieAnn
September 15th, 2010, 2:51 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: MG Fantasy: Demas' First Task: The Prophecy of Rob
Replies: 7
Views: 1208

Re: MG Fantasy: Demas' First Task: The Prophecy of Rob

To sgf,

Wow, you are a really talented editor. Your notes helped me immensely! My query is about 100x stronger than when I first posted it. Thanks so much for your great advice! Good luck in your own writing!
I've revised the query and re-posted it in place of my last one.
Thanks!
-Ellie Ann
by EllieAnn
September 15th, 2010, 2:30 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Jade's Hurricane: 6th try
Replies: 9
Views: 1232

Re: Jade's Hurricane: 6th try

Way to go! I like the story a lot. I like it so much that I want more details, which is an EXCELLENT way to leave a query reader. :-) I'd definitely read on to get to your pages and synopsis. Just a few notes: -why did you write "a training"? I'd love you to either define that or cut it. -I love the...
by EllieAnn
September 15th, 2010, 2:21 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: MG Fantasy: Demas' First Task: The Prophecy of Rob
Replies: 7
Views: 1208

Re: MG Fantasy: Demas' First Task: The Prophecy of Rob

Wow! Thanks so much for the terrific revision advice. Since I'm so close to the story, I sometimes forget how foreign the new names and terms are. I tried to take out as many confusing things as I could with this revision. It does read a lot smoother now, thanks to you both! I hope that my new edite...
by EllieAnn
September 15th, 2010, 9:58 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: MG Fantasy: Demas' First Task: The Prophecy of Rob
Replies: 7
Views: 1208

MG Fantasy: Demas' First Task: The Prophecy of Rob

Dear Agent, *Captivating and witty remarks on why I think we're meant to be* On the day the sheep are set on fire by his enemies, Demas receives his first task from the Invisible King: find the lost Prophecy of Rob within thirty days, or a group of peaceful and religious Untouchables will be massacr...
by EllieAnn
September 15th, 2010, 9:32 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Rain Legacy- MG Fantasy
Replies: 5
Views: 1125

Re: The Rain Legacy- MG Fantasy

I love the last sentence and paragraph how it is. So much adventure and tension! I like your synopsis of the end a lot! The intro must give me a better picture of who your protag is and the world she lives in. I need to care about her. :-)
Good luck!
by EllieAnn
September 15th, 2010, 9:28 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Adventures of Puckatoo -MG
Replies: 4
Views: 829

Re: The Adventures of Puckatoo -MG

Everyone loves a good dog story. :-) Good luck with your querying! Here are my notes: Puckatoo is a tiny Jack Russell Terrier with a big dog attitude. She thinks the good life is an overflowing food bowl, a squirrel on the run and being the center of her owners’ attention. So when she is given to a ...