Search found 39 matches

by sgf
November 20th, 2010, 1:38 pm
Forum: Ask Nathan
Topic: Queries: Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Nanowrimo
Replies: 2
Views: 627

Re: Queries: Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Nanowrimo

Holly,

Thanks for asking this question-- I was wondering the same thing! Though if everyone waits until January, won't agents get inundated with query letters that month?
by sgf
November 11th, 2010, 12:32 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: Writing Workshops? -- POV changes -- Show Vs Tell
Replies: 24
Views: 4608

Re: Any suggestions for Online Writing Workshops?

Polymath, Great insights about POV switches. One of my favorite fantasy writers, RA Salvatore, also handles POV switches seamlessly. For me, POV switches are most disruptive when a reader feels settled in one point of view, and then experiences something from another character's point of view withou...
by sgf
November 10th, 2010, 8:17 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Writing Workshops? -- POV changes -- Show Vs Tell
Replies: 24
Views: 4608

Re: Any suggestions for Online Writing Workshops?

Polymath, it sounds like you used to give valuable critiques! From looking at your other posts, it looks like you definitely put a lot of thought into your comments.

Could you by chance define "creative vision direction"? I'd take this to just mean plot without any further elaboration.
by sgf
November 10th, 2010, 6:53 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Writing Workshops? -- POV changes -- Show Vs Tell
Replies: 24
Views: 4608

Re: Any suggestions for Online Writing Workshops?

Hi Wordranger, OK I'm coming clean... since I was the one who suggested the workshop, I thought I'd add some more details here along with others' comments. :) I basically agree with everyone, but I do think there's some value in getting feedback on these workshops. Along with catching typos and that...
by sgf
October 31st, 2010, 1:28 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: TREASON - Historical Mystery
Replies: 19
Views: 2325

Re: TREASON - Historical Mystery

Hi Airball, I think this is a pretty good query. It's nicely written. The main issue I had with this query is that although you did an excellent job of establishing the setting, none of the characters are really established. It first reads as if the story is about Bridget. But then we find out it's...
by sgf
October 30th, 2010, 2:01 pm
Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
Topic: Seeking crit partner for heroic fantasy
Replies: 2
Views: 1291

Seeking crit partner for heroic fantasy

I’m interested in finding a few more crit partners to review the first part (about 135 pages, or 35,000 words) of my novel. It’s a briskly paced heroic fantasy. In return, I’ll review a similar amount of pages. So you know what you might be getting into, here’s the first page: http://forums.nathanbr...
by sgf
October 29th, 2010, 3:41 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Possessed
Replies: 23
Views: 3111

Re: Query - Possessed

Hi Sara, I thought this was a good query letter, overall. There were a couple of places I felt needed elaborations, where you provide a detail that left me a bit confused. Gabriel's life is a lie. Everything he thought was real turns out to be a product of radiation, electrodes, and drugs – includi...
by sgf
October 29th, 2010, 10:40 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: The Soul Baby the Trickster and the Golden Buddha
Replies: 21
Views: 3708

Re: Query: The Soul Baby the Trickster and the Golden Buddha

Hi Michael, This a very well written query, but I think it's telling too much, and not showing enough. It tells the reader what the book is about, but it should be showing the reader what happens in the book. I wanted a better sense of the character, what he does, and why he does it. This being cre...
by sgf
October 28th, 2010, 10:48 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT - New Revision - Revision #3
Replies: 15
Views: 2715

Re: Query: HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT - YA Fantasy

Hi WordRanger, I know you've helped me out with one of my posts, and I'm not sure if I ever returned the favor, so here goes! Magellan’s life is turned upside down when the King rips him from his family and takes him to the royal residences. When I read this, I couldn't help but think that "the roy...
by sgf
October 28th, 2010, 10:28 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Fantasy Novel Query-- "3rd" draft
Replies: 17
Views: 3798

Re: Fantasy Novel Query-- "3rd" draft

Here's my "3rd" attempt at a query. Is it getting there yet? Do the changes evoke any new questions? Thanks for your thoughts and suggestions! Dear agent, Kellek has always been good in a fight; the decision-making and glory he leaves to his friend Brompst, a legendary knight. But then a love-struck...
by sgf
October 25th, 2010, 9:11 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Iron Pillar: Women's Fiction Query
Replies: 28
Views: 4473

Re: The Iron Pillar: Women's Fiction Query

Hi Melissa, Glad my comments helped! First, I agree with Ermo that the quality of your writing shows in the query letter, and that agents will likely notice it. :) For the sake of keeping the query short and sweet, consider nixing the first paragraph. It skirts around the story too much for a query...
by sgf
October 25th, 2010, 5:56 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Iron Pillar: Women's Fiction Query
Replies: 28
Views: 4473

Re: The Iron Pillar: Women's Fiction Query

Hi Melissa, I thought this query was pretty good, but I think you could improve it if you were more specific about some things. See below for details: I am seeking representation for my novel, The Iron Pillar, an 85,000 word work of women’s fiction, in which an American woman is transformed through...
by sgf
October 22nd, 2010, 3:03 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Page Critique Friday 10/22/10
Replies: 9
Views: 12974

Re: Page Critique Friday 10/22/10

I thought this first page does a nice job introducing the story's protagonist. The reader also learns what will probably be the story's conflict: 3 months ago something bad happened, maybe something to do with the protagonist's mom. While the mystery is good, I found the last paragraph a little con...
by sgf
October 22nd, 2010, 12:21 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: 1st page, YA Dystopia (THE LAICOS PROJECT)
Replies: 9
Views: 2983

Re: 1st page, YA Dystopia (THE LAICOS PROJECT)

Hi Erin, Thanks for your thoughts on my first page! Here to return the favor. Today is the last day I will see my brother. I loved this hooky first line. Great start! I should be spending these remaining hours with him and I agree with other reviewer that this should be "but" instead I’m in the mea...
by sgf
October 1st, 2010, 7:22 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Figment - YA Fantasy- REVISED
Replies: 10
Views: 2037

Re: Query - Figment - YA Fantasy- REVISED

Hi Trirae, Here are my thoughts on your 2nd draft: George pushes Audrey Parker out of danger. He also wipes a tear away. He even dances with her. That wouldn’t mean much, except George isn’t real, or he shouldn’t be. Imaginary friends aren’t supposed to be human. I liked this beginning-- the idea t...