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- September 3rd, 2010, 9:36 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Page Critique Friday 9/3/10
- Replies: 21
- Views: 22476
I like the use of short sentences in the dialogue, it's very realistic. Unfortunately, I don't like your beginning paragraph as I'm confused as to who's who by the time you say 'He had to fix...' I would suggest starting with something like, 'Jim knew his image needed repair. He didn't need his brot...