Search found 15 matches
- January 24th, 2011, 12:13 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Revised Fantasy Query
- Replies: 5
- Views: 2572
Revised Fantasy Query
Here, again, is the body only (minus the personalized agent para and genre/word count) of my work in progress. Any and all input is helpful. Thank you. The strange boy jumped off the cliff, pulling Sydney with him. As they fall she recognizes his birthmark. Has her brother really returned from the d...
- January 21st, 2011, 2:33 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query up for critique
- Replies: 4
- Views: 2122
Query up for critique
Here is the body only of my work in progress. I welcome any and all feedback. A boy pulls Sydney off a cliff and she knows they are both dead. But she can’t resist the urge to attack her murderer. Then she recognizes his birthmark. Has her brother really returned from the dead to take her life? When...
- May 6th, 2010, 4:12 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Fantasy Query, feedback please
- Replies: 9
- Views: 3671
Re: Fantasy Query, feedback please
Thank you all who took the time to offer your advice. If you feel so inclined to grace me with another round of critiques here is another attempt. Sixteen year old Sydney Hart discovers her family is alive when she is reunited with her brother. Using his unique abilities the siblings return to the d...
- May 4th, 2010, 2:23 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Fantasy Query, feedback please
- Replies: 9
- Views: 3671
Fantasy Query, feedback please
I am not sure what I think of my latest version. Honestly this query writing has me turned inside out. Which way is up? down? But seriously, I welcome any and all feedback. More than anything, sixteen year old Sydney Hart wants her family back. She doesn’t even know they are alive until her brother,...
- December 24th, 2009, 4:01 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query Peer Critique
- Replies: 12
- Views: 5787
Revised Query-Hoping for fellow writers critique
I posted a couple versions of this a while back. As a work in progress I offer up for your review the next version. Thank you in advance to all who stop and offer your help. In this version I cut out MANY of the plot particulars and kept simply to barest of the center most crux of the story. I am ho...
- December 11th, 2009, 2:31 pm
- Forum: Ask Nathan
- Topic: Old Ask Nathan Thread
- Replies: 793
- Views: 404475
Fragment Sentences
What is your opinion on fragment sentences in a query? We all know they are grammatically incomplete but if used sparingly and wisely they can help make your point and make it "pop". At least that is what my mind tells me. I am hoping you can share a quick thought on this. By the way, you ...
- December 11th, 2009, 1:46 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Let my mistakes be your guide. QL evolution
- Replies: 7
- Views: 3715
Re: Let my mistakes be your guide. QL evolution
I was just thinking how helpful a post like this would be. I would like to throw my work in progress out there in the hopes that it helps someone. By the way I am open to helpful suggestions on the last one since that is the version I am currently working on. #1 Pulled off a cliff by a strange young...
- December 11th, 2009, 1:39 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query Crit - SotA
- Replies: 14
- Views: 5892
Re: Query Crit - SotA
First of all here is my disclaimer: I am a novice. Take my opinions as a grain of salt my friend. I get the gist from your hook that Tzal found a crowded city wherein he could hide in plain sight. He has good reason to hide. He may not be rich but he is happy. He could be happier. Maybe it is becaus...
- December 9th, 2009, 11:46 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query Peer Critique
- Replies: 12
- Views: 5787
Re: Query Peer Critique
Thanks J.Jessamyn, I appreciate the obvious grammar I so callously overlooked and the great wording advice.
- December 9th, 2009, 2:20 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query Peer Critique
- Replies: 12
- Views: 5787
Re: Query Peer Critique
Thank you all who have added your valued input. If you feel so inclined to do so again here is my revised work in progress. Dear Agent, When their reunion in the dimension of Barathio compromises a protective charm and threatens the only society who has eluded the tyrannical Ze’el, Bren and Sydney H...
- December 9th, 2009, 12:17 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query Critique: YA Urban Fantasy
- Replies: 9
- Views: 5459
Re: Query Critique: YA Urban Fantasy
I offer my novice opinions for you to take or leave. Thank you for sharing your opinions on my query. I appreciate it. My comments are included below. For Annie, being the new girl got old a long time ago. After traveling the country with her free-spirited aunt, the sixteen-year-old knows all about...
- December 8th, 2009, 10:27 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query Peer Critique
- Replies: 12
- Views: 5787
Re: Query Peer Critique
Thank you all for your helpful suggestions. I, of course, I am going to work on it with your critiques in mind. I welcome more, keep 'em coming.
- December 8th, 2009, 1:28 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query Peer Critique
- Replies: 12
- Views: 5787
Query Peer Critique
I am both anxious and ready for your review of my query for my first novel. I am a lifelong reader and writer ready to brave the world of publishing. I welcome your help and thank you in advance. Dear Agent, Pulled off a cliff by a strange young man, sixteen year old Sydney Hart plummets into an ext...
- December 7th, 2009, 11:06 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query Help needed
- Replies: 12
- Views: 7801
Re: Query Help needed
My comments are just that, my comments. Take them or leave them, they are not from a professional. In a dark barrio world where violence is as sudden and final as a gunshot in the night a man seeks to save the ones he loves and redeem himself for the ones he failed. This sentence, while very poetic,...
- December 7th, 2009, 9:57 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Peer Review of a Query
- Replies: 24
- Views: 13112
Re: Peer Review of a Query
My opinion, echoing many of those before me, is not professional, so take it or leave it. But these are the parts of the story that I say include in the query to make the novel sound interesting and the story line flow smooth. Definitely include in your query how Nicholas is the only one who can sav...