Search found 15 matches

by jhoward
January 24th, 2011, 12:13 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Revised Fantasy Query
Replies: 5
Views: 1227

Revised Fantasy Query

Here, again, is the body only (minus the personalized agent para and genre/word count) of my work in progress. Any and all input is helpful. Thank you. The strange boy jumped off the cliff, pulling Sydney with him. As they fall she recognizes his birthmark. Has her brother really returned from the d...
by jhoward
January 21st, 2011, 2:33 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query up for critique
Replies: 4
Views: 926

Query up for critique

Here is the body only of my work in progress. I welcome any and all feedback. A boy pulls Sydney off a cliff and she knows they are both dead. But she can’t resist the urge to attack her murderer. Then she recognizes his birthmark. Has her brother really returned from the dead to take her life? When...
by jhoward
May 6th, 2010, 4:12 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Fantasy Query, feedback please
Replies: 9
Views: 1614

Re: Fantasy Query, feedback please

Thank you all who took the time to offer your advice. If you feel so inclined to grace me with another round of critiques here is another attempt. Sixteen year old Sydney Hart discovers her family is alive when she is reunited with her brother. Using his unique abilities the siblings return to the d...
by jhoward
May 4th, 2010, 2:23 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Fantasy Query, feedback please
Replies: 9
Views: 1614

Fantasy Query, feedback please

I am not sure what I think of my latest version. Honestly this query writing has me turned inside out. Which way is up? down? But seriously, I welcome any and all feedback. More than anything, sixteen year old Sydney Hart wants her family back. She doesn’t even know they are alive until her brother,...
by jhoward
December 24th, 2009, 4:01 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Peer Critique
Replies: 12
Views: 2494

Revised Query-Hoping for fellow writers critique

I posted a couple versions of this a while back. As a work in progress I offer up for your review the next version. Thank you in advance to all who stop and offer your help. In this version I cut out MANY of the plot particulars and kept simply to barest of the center most crux of the story. I am ho...
by jhoward
December 11th, 2009, 2:31 pm
Forum: Ask Nathan
Topic: Old Ask Nathan Thread
Replies: 793
Views: 193059

Fragment Sentences

What is your opinion on fragment sentences in a query? We all know they are grammatically incomplete but if used sparingly and wisely they can help make your point and make it "pop". At least that is what my mind tells me. I am hoping you can share a quick thought on this. By the way, you may be tir...
by jhoward
December 11th, 2009, 1:46 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Let my mistakes be your guide. QL evolution
Replies: 7
Views: 1796

Re: Let my mistakes be your guide. QL evolution

I was just thinking how helpful a post like this would be. I would like to throw my work in progress out there in the hopes that it helps someone. By the way I am open to helpful suggestions on the last one since that is the version I am currently working on. #1 Pulled off a cliff by a strange young...
by jhoward
December 11th, 2009, 1:39 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Crit - SotA
Replies: 14
Views: 2556

Re: Query Crit - SotA

First of all here is my disclaimer: I am a novice. Take my opinions as a grain of salt my friend. I get the gist from your hook that Tzal found a crowded city wherein he could hide in plain sight. He has good reason to hide. He may not be rich but he is happy. He could be happier. Maybe it is becaus...
by jhoward
December 9th, 2009, 11:46 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Peer Critique
Replies: 12
Views: 2494

Re: Query Peer Critique

Thanks J.Jessamyn, I appreciate the obvious grammar I so callously overlooked and the great wording advice.
by jhoward
December 9th, 2009, 2:20 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Peer Critique
Replies: 12
Views: 2494

Re: Query Peer Critique

Thank you all who have added your valued input. If you feel so inclined to do so again here is my revised work in progress. Dear Agent, When their reunion in the dimension of Barathio compromises a protective charm and threatens the only society who has eluded the tyrannical Ze’el, Bren and Sydney H...
by jhoward
December 9th, 2009, 12:17 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Critique: YA Urban Fantasy
Replies: 9
Views: 2584

Re: Query Critique: YA Urban Fantasy

I offer my novice opinions for you to take or leave. Thank you for sharing your opinions on my query. I appreciate it. My comments are included below. For Annie, being the new girl got old a long time ago. After traveling the country with her free-spirited aunt, the sixteen-year-old knows all about...
by jhoward
December 8th, 2009, 10:27 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Peer Critique
Replies: 12
Views: 2494

Re: Query Peer Critique

Thank you all for your helpful suggestions. I, of course, I am going to work on it with your critiques in mind. I welcome more, keep 'em coming.
by jhoward
December 8th, 2009, 1:28 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Peer Critique
Replies: 12
Views: 2494

Query Peer Critique

I am both anxious and ready for your review of my query for my first novel. I am a lifelong reader and writer ready to brave the world of publishing. I welcome your help and thank you in advance. Dear Agent, Pulled off a cliff by a strange young man, sixteen year old Sydney Hart plummets into an ext...
by jhoward
December 7th, 2009, 11:06 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Help needed
Replies: 12
Views: 4239

Re: Query Help needed

My comments are just that, my comments. Take them or leave them, they are not from a professional. In a dark barrio world where violence is as sudden and final as a gunshot in the night a man seeks to save the ones he loves and redeem himself for the ones he failed. This sentence, while very poetic,...
by jhoward
December 7th, 2009, 9:57 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Peer Review of a Query
Replies: 24
Views: 5561

Re: Peer Review of a Query

My opinion, echoing many of those before me, is not professional, so take it or leave it. But these are the parts of the story that I say include in the query to make the novel sound interesting and the story line flow smooth. Definitely include in your query how Nicholas is the only one who can sav...