Search found 5 matches

by suja12
October 1st, 2010, 2:34 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Page Critique Friday 10/1/10
Replies: 32
Views: 28075

Re: Page Critique Friday 10/1/10

I liked the way you brought about the grand daughter's life (the parents, her having no family). That intrigues the reader who'll want to know what happened to the baby as she grew into a thirty-year-old woman. The only problem is, that sort of gets lost when you add the extra bits which are not cri...
by suja12
October 1st, 2010, 12:41 am
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 213
Views: 120293

Re: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Mr. Bransford, Sixteen-year-old Mala's decision to take up cudgels on behalf of the environment gets the attention of the local mine owner. People who get his attention usually end up dead. When Mala's mother gets a job at the Calvert Mining Company, it offers both mother and daughter a chance to le...
by suja12
September 10th, 2010, 6:23 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Page Critique Friday 9/10/10
Replies: 33
Views: 29325

Re: Page Critique Friday 9/10/10

When I read this, I had the feeling that I was watching the whole scene happening on a screen, like a movie, but I couldn't get the emotions, the feelings. You distanced the characters from us, the readers. But the scene is very vivid, very clearly described and very easy to visualize, but it did no...
by suja12
September 3rd, 2010, 6:21 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Page Critique Friday 9/3/10
Replies: 21
Views: 22594

Re: Page Critique Friday 9/3/10

Dialogue's hard to do, and you did it well enough to convey the main idea and the tension of the MC (though I have to admit I did wonder what Eddie was going to eat next). You gave the essential information without telling. My only suggestion, help us picture the scene and the two people a bit bette...
by suja12
August 28th, 2010, 9:44 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 720
Views: 283260

Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Title: FLUTE MUSIC Genre: YoungAdult Length: 242 words Sean ran swiftly through the woods, moisture seeping into his shoes from the wet underbrush. He risked a quick glance over his shoulder. The evening sunlight barely penetrated the branches overhead, creating shifting patterns of light. Leaves ru...