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- September 10th, 2010, 11:57 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Page Critique Friday 9/10/10
- Replies: 33
- Views: 29230
I agree with the comment that a passive voice is overused here, particularly in the first paragraph, which is overly expository. I know it's a cliche, but the second paragraph and subsequent lines do a better job of showing, rather than telling. But you've got my attention. I want to know what happe...