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by MissivesFromSuburbia
September 10th, 2010, 11:57 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Page Critique Friday 9/10/10
Replies: 33
Views: 31551

Re: Page Critique Friday 9/10/10

I agree with the comment that a passive voice is overused here, particularly in the first paragraph, which is overly expository. I know it's a cliche, but the second paragraph and subsequent lines do a better job of showing, rather than telling. But you've got my attention. I want to know what happe...