Search found 50 matches
- March 11th, 2011, 12:38 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: YA Urban Fantasy Query
- Replies: 21
- Views: 7782
Re: YA Urban Fantasy Query REVISED
First of all, the story sounds really cool! I think you're definitely working toward a good query too. These last 2 are much more clear... As an “enforcer” at Ellery Wildlife Preserve, hopeless romantic Sophie Rowan is never surprised to catch people sneaking off the trails. But when she finds Hugh ...
- March 2nd, 2011, 1:01 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: THE ELITE (YA) -revised!
- Replies: 29
- Views: 10207
Re: THE ELITE (YA) -revised!
Wilderness and littlebird -- Thanks so much for your thoughts! I really appreciate the suggestions on where to tighten or change wording. :)
- February 28th, 2011, 1:45 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)
- Replies: 27
- Views: 9844
Re: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)
First of all, this sounds awesome. I would totally read this. I think the query is actually quite good besides the last paragraph--I think it could be a little stronger. I like the inclusion of the drug cartel to distinguish the story from the "typical" YA paranormal, but I think it could ...
- February 28th, 2011, 2:15 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: THE ELITE (YA) -revised!
- Replies: 29
- Views: 10207
Re: THE ELITE (YA)
NEW VERSION! Hi everyone! Thanks to everyone who gave me feedback here previously, and I have a couple of new versions to test out. Which do you like better? Or do you like previous versions better? Thoughts? [Obviously, these are just the story part of the query, and not the rest] :) Thanks again!...
- February 28th, 2011, 12:54 am
- Forum: Ask Nathan
- Topic: POV Dealbreaker?
- Replies: 2
- Views: 1672
Re: POV Dealbreaker?
Thank you for the advice!
- February 26th, 2011, 1:03 am
- Forum: Ask Nathan
- Topic: POV Dealbreaker?
- Replies: 2
- Views: 1672
POV Dealbreaker?
Hi Nathan, My MS was originally in 3rd person, from three POVs (the heroine, who has the majority of the face time, and two love interests, who have considerably less, but do have their own stories besides their relationships with her). A while ago, I rewrote the whole thing so the heroine's parts a...
- February 26th, 2011, 12:49 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Blood Legacy - YA Fantasy REVISED
- Replies: 21
- Views: 8018
Re: Query: Blood Legacy - YA Fantasy
Hi Sari! I think this is definitely looking good, but there are a few things I'd mess with. I think that this whole part could be condensed: Dani Strider’s deepest desire is to belong, but the blood in her veins won't allow it. She bears a legacy kept secret form her, and with it comes powerful magi...
- February 3rd, 2011, 2:42 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: THE ELITE (YA) -revised!
- Replies: 29
- Views: 10207
Re: THE ELITE (YA)
Thanks so much kevinott777! (Sorry I didn't see this for a few days--haven't been checking up on this thread as much) I totally agree with you about leaving in the feeling of luxury/glamour, and in the most recent version I've been working on, I've brought that imagery back--I do think it adds to th...
- January 19th, 2011, 9:21 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: NIGHTFRAME: IN THE RED OF THE KNIGHT Query
- Replies: 9
- Views: 3423
Re: NIGHTFRAME: IN THE RED OF THE KNIGHT Query
Mary Edmondson (personal information) Dear Agent, Brody thinks Tabitha is a hero-- but, of course, love is blind. He can't see what she does in the mirror. I'm assuming this means she sees herself as a monster and he doesn't? Clarify: "what she does in the mirror" sound like she's doing a...
- January 9th, 2011, 9:51 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: NEVER REMEMBER: YA Fantasy Revised
- Replies: 15
- Views: 5629
Re: NEVER REMEMBER: YA Fantasy Revised
Coolness! This story sounds really interesting. I also like the spring cleaning analogy. :) SO true! I am still a little confused here, and I feel like you lost some of the voice in this second draft. I also really liked the line about the wanted posters with her on them and her giving them a reason...
- January 9th, 2011, 9:35 pm
- Forum: Writing
- Topic: Is this wrong?
- Replies: 10
- Views: 3411
Re: Is this wrong?
First of all, I'm sorry to hear you were deceased, sir, we'll be sure to get your account reactivated" hahaha. That's amazing. But as to your dilemma, if you change the names and tweak the circumstances, I doubt there is any legal issue here, but morally...well, if it were me, I would tweak a l...
- January 9th, 2011, 9:27 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: THE ELITE (YA) -revised!
- Replies: 29
- Views: 10207
Re: THE ELITE (YA)
Hi everyone! Thanks so much for your insights. I'm sorry--no one has commented on this for a while, so I haven't looked at this thread for a few days! Hannah- Thanks so much! It is really helpful, because when I'm banging my head against the wall from writing (like I am right now!) it's amazingly en...
- December 16th, 2010, 6:28 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: THE ELITE (YA) -revised!
- Replies: 29
- Views: 10207
Re: THE ELITE (YA)
Krista G--thanks so much for your take on that last sentence. I think I agree with you.
Joel Q--I agree with you, too. :) I think the other version was better written, but I like some of the stuff I added to this one. Thanks again for your comments!
Joel Q--I agree with you, too. :) I think the other version was better written, but I like some of the stuff I added to this one. Thanks again for your comments!
- December 9th, 2010, 1:17 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: THE ELITE (YA) -revised!
- Replies: 29
- Views: 10207
Re: THE ELITE (YA)
Thanks so much, Lil and Krista G! (and Krista--I was just reading your blog earlier! It's great!) Lil-- i might consider striking everything after alone unless its super important Yea, I think it's getting a little wordy. I was trying to explain more of why her choice is so hard below because of the...
- December 8th, 2010, 11:42 am
- Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
- Topic: Detailed Synopsis Crit Partner? (YA)
- Replies: 4
- Views: 2743
Re: Detailed Synopsis Crit Partner? (YA)
Sounds great! I'm PM'ing you both now.