Search found 50 matches

by maggie
March 11th, 2011, 12:38 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Urban Fantasy Query
Replies: 21
Views: 3281

Re: YA Urban Fantasy Query REVISED

First of all, the story sounds really cool! I think you're definitely working toward a good query too. These last 2 are much more clear... As an “enforcer” at Ellery Wildlife Preserve, hopeless romantic Sophie Rowan is never surprised to catch people sneaking off the trails. But when she finds Hugh ...
by maggie
March 2nd, 2011, 1:01 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE ELITE (YA) -revised!
Replies: 29
Views: 4393

Re: THE ELITE (YA) -revised!

Wilderness and littlebird -- Thanks so much for your thoughts! I really appreciate the suggestions on where to tighten or change wording. :)
by maggie
February 28th, 2011, 1:45 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)
Replies: 27
Views: 4199

Re: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)

First of all, this sounds awesome. I would totally read this. I think the query is actually quite good besides the last paragraph--I think it could be a little stronger. I like the inclusion of the drug cartel to distinguish the story from the "typical" YA paranormal, but I think it could be worded ...
by maggie
February 28th, 2011, 2:15 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE ELITE (YA) -revised!
Replies: 29
Views: 4393

Re: THE ELITE (YA)

NEW VERSION! Hi everyone! Thanks to everyone who gave me feedback here previously, and I have a couple of new versions to test out. Which do you like better? Or do you like previous versions better? Thoughts? [Obviously, these are just the story part of the query, and not the rest] :) Thanks again!...
by maggie
February 28th, 2011, 12:54 am
Forum: Ask Nathan
Topic: POV Dealbreaker?
Replies: 2
Views: 769

Re: POV Dealbreaker?

Thank you for the advice!
by maggie
February 26th, 2011, 1:03 am
Forum: Ask Nathan
Topic: POV Dealbreaker?
Replies: 2
Views: 769

POV Dealbreaker?

Hi Nathan, My MS was originally in 3rd person, from three POVs (the heroine, who has the majority of the face time, and two love interests, who have considerably less, but do have their own stories besides their relationships with her). A while ago, I rewrote the whole thing so the heroine's parts a...
by maggie
February 26th, 2011, 12:49 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Blood Legacy - YA Fantasy REVISED
Replies: 21
Views: 3500

Re: Query: Blood Legacy - YA Fantasy

Hi Sari! I think this is definitely looking good, but there are a few things I'd mess with. I think that this whole part could be condensed: Dani Strider’s deepest desire is to belong, but the blood in her veins won't allow it. She bears a legacy kept secret form her, and with it comes powerful magi...
by maggie
February 3rd, 2011, 2:42 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE ELITE (YA) -revised!
Replies: 29
Views: 4393

Re: THE ELITE (YA)

Thanks so much kevinott777! (Sorry I didn't see this for a few days--haven't been checking up on this thread as much) I totally agree with you about leaving in the feeling of luxury/glamour, and in the most recent version I've been working on, I've brought that imagery back--I do think it adds to th...
by maggie
January 19th, 2011, 9:21 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: NIGHTFRAME: IN THE RED OF THE KNIGHT Query
Replies: 9
Views: 1593

Re: NIGHTFRAME: IN THE RED OF THE KNIGHT Query

Mary Edmondson (personal information) Dear Agent, Brody thinks Tabitha is a hero-- but, of course, love is blind. He can't see what she does in the mirror. I'm assuming this means she sees herself as a monster and he doesn't? Clarify: "what she does in the mirror" sound like she's doing an action t...
by maggie
January 9th, 2011, 9:51 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: NEVER REMEMBER: YA Fantasy Revised
Replies: 15
Views: 2397

Re: NEVER REMEMBER: YA Fantasy Revised

Coolness! This story sounds really interesting. I also like the spring cleaning analogy. :) SO true! I am still a little confused here, and I feel like you lost some of the voice in this second draft. I also really liked the line about the wanted posters with her on them and her giving them a reason...
by maggie
January 9th, 2011, 9:35 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Is this wrong?
Replies: 10
Views: 1549

Re: Is this wrong?

First of all, I'm sorry to hear you were deceased, sir, we'll be sure to get your account reactivated" hahaha. That's amazing. But as to your dilemma, if you change the names and tweak the circumstances, I doubt there is any legal issue here, but morally...well, if it were me, I would tweak a lot. T...
by maggie
January 9th, 2011, 9:27 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE ELITE (YA) -revised!
Replies: 29
Views: 4393

Re: THE ELITE (YA)

Hi everyone! Thanks so much for your insights. I'm sorry--no one has commented on this for a while, so I haven't looked at this thread for a few days! Hannah- Thanks so much! It is really helpful, because when I'm banging my head against the wall from writing (like I am right now!) it's amazingly en...
by maggie
December 16th, 2010, 6:28 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE ELITE (YA) -revised!
Replies: 29
Views: 4393

Re: THE ELITE (YA)

Krista G--thanks so much for your take on that last sentence. I think I agree with you.

Joel Q--I agree with you, too. :) I think the other version was better written, but I like some of the stuff I added to this one. Thanks again for your comments!
by maggie
December 9th, 2010, 1:17 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE ELITE (YA) -revised!
Replies: 29
Views: 4393

Re: THE ELITE (YA)

Thanks so much, Lil and Krista G! (and Krista--I was just reading your blog earlier! It's great!) Lil-- i might consider striking everything after alone unless its super important Yea, I think it's getting a little wordy. I was trying to explain more of why her choice is so hard below because of the...
by maggie
December 8th, 2010, 11:42 am
Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
Topic: Detailed Synopsis Crit Partner? (YA)
Replies: 4
Views: 1494

Re: Detailed Synopsis Crit Partner? (YA)

Sounds great! I'm PM'ing you both now.