Nathan Bransford - The Forums

I really like this and get a feel for your characters and their personalities in a short amount of text. I never read any of your previous tries at this same chapter, but if you used to open with his dream, perhaps we would not get this feeling for the characters, which is important to hook a reader...

Thank you both very much! Krista, your comments help me to pinpoint my problems with voice even more than I was aware. I spent today reading and think I understand better now how to handle first person. Erica, thanks for the encouragement (and previous feedback)! I definitely need to rethink my begi...

Margo studied Bill [quizzically- OMIT] as he stood absorbed[COMMA] both hands pushing against the water tank stand[PERIOD] [OMIT -while] His head hung heavy[COMMA] studying the ground. [OR, HIS HEAD HUNG, HEAVY, WHILE HE STUDIED THE GROUND.--ALTHOUGH YOU JUST USED THE WORD STUDY. WAS HE REALLY SEEIN...

Chapter one Dawn Buchanen The halls were empty. I rushed to class. Just past the classroom door, my friend, Stana Hayden, leaned against her locker, waiting for me. She smiled, obviously not the least bit concerned about being tardy, unlike me. I was practically sweating. I didn’t have time to ask w...