Search found 3 matches
- September 10th, 2010, 4:46 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Page Critique Friday 9/10/10
- Replies: 33
- Views: 40955
Re: Page Critique Friday 9/10/10
Your description was vivid, I could picture everything clearly. You are using omniscient point of view, I think, and that keeps the reader a bit distanced. I think this would feel more immediate if you used limited third person - get closer to one of the characters. By the end of the first page we s...
- August 29th, 2010, 9:37 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Page Critique Friday 8/27/10
- Replies: 27
- Views: 30348
Re: Page Critique Friday 8/27/10
Hi, I like the writing style and tone it sets. Something is wrong for your characters, but I'm not sure what. I got a sense of danger, but then he's talking about plumbing. That's unexpected, and kind of interrupts the mood. Usually, when you start on the outside (omniscient POV) describing a scene,...
- August 17th, 2010, 2:25 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Replies: 720
- Views: 452641
Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Title: Immovable Objects Genre: Cozy Mystery Words: 249 Janet always made the same wish. For the last ten years, anyway. When she lost an eyelash, saw a shooting star, or, like today, when she blew out the candles on her birthday cake. It wasn’t a real birthday cake, just a slice from the glass disp...