Search found 3 matches

by hyoussef
September 10th, 2010, 4:46 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Page Critique Friday 9/10/10
Replies: 33
Views: 28894

Re: Page Critique Friday 9/10/10

Your description was vivid, I could picture everything clearly. You are using omniscient point of view, I think, and that keeps the reader a bit distanced. I think this would feel more immediate if you used limited third person - get closer to one of the characters. By the end of the first page we s...
by hyoussef
August 29th, 2010, 9:37 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Page Critique Friday 8/27/10
Replies: 27
Views: 20335

Re: Page Critique Friday 8/27/10

Hi, I like the writing style and tone it sets. Something is wrong for your characters, but I'm not sure what. I got a sense of danger, but then he's talking about plumbing. That's unexpected, and kind of interrupts the mood. Usually, when you start on the outside (omniscient POV) describing a scene,...
by hyoussef
August 17th, 2010, 2:25 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 720
Views: 278783

Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Title: Immovable Objects Genre: Cozy Mystery Words: 249 Janet always made the same wish. For the last ten years, anyway. When she lost an eyelash, saw a shooting star, or, like today, when she blew out the candles on her birthday cake. It wasn’t a real birthday cake, just a slice from the glass disp...