Search found 19 matches

by LaylaF
November 7th, 2010, 3:12 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Samantha Stokes and The Fantastical Journey
Replies: 9
Views: 3010

Re: Samantha Stokes and The Fantastical Journey

Thanks to everyone who commented. I really appreciated getting a fresh perspective on this. You've all given me alot to work with and I'm now in the process of making revisions. thanks again, :)
by LaylaF
November 6th, 2010, 5:46 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Possessed - First two pages of Chapter One
Replies: 2
Views: 1359

Re: Possessed - First two pages of Chapter One

Possessed - Chapter One If this isn't a dream, then I really am must be mad. Gabriel looked over his shoulder. The dark silhouette of the ghostlike horseman was closer than before. Gabriel He kicked his mare's heaving sides. It had become nearly too dark to be racing through the woods at such a pace...
by LaylaF
November 2nd, 2010, 12:52 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: The Soul Baby the Trickster and the Golden Buddha
Replies: 21
Views: 3711

Re: Query: The Soul Baby the Trickster and the Golden Buddha

Michael, This is my first time in the query forum and I'm actually not very good at writing them myself so I'm not sure I can help with constructive red-line comments. But I wanted to take a moment and say that I thought your book sounded totally interesting! Especially knowing that it is a true sto...
by LaylaF
October 24th, 2010, 6:01 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First page of YA novel, Jasmine Powers, Super Geek
Replies: 7
Views: 2422

Re: First page of YA novel, Jasmine Powers, Super Geek

Hi writeonsistah... I liked your excerpt. It totally drew me in. In fact, I wanted to read more and was disappointed that it ended. Like everyone else, I don't really have any changes to suggest. In fact, I had no problem with the italics. I could tell it was her thoughts and actually thought it hel...
by LaylaF
October 24th, 2010, 12:06 pm
Forum: Books
Topic: Gender roles: Emotionally weak heroines
Replies: 58
Views: 17052

Re: Gender roles: Emotionally weak heroines

I read the Twilight series and absolutely loved them. I'd finish one in a day, couldn't put it down. Great story telling. But, after reading the comments here, I have to agree with ChookyChook who had the second post in all these comments. She gives a very interesting perspective that had not occurr...
by LaylaF
October 21st, 2010, 11:27 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Samantha Stokes and The Fantastical Journey
Replies: 9
Views: 3010

Re: Samantha Stokes and The Fantastical Journey

Emily J. Thanks so much for your comments. I was LOL reading them...your comments have a great voice! (notice my ellipses again? LOL) No, seriously, I had a great time reading your reviews. Great input. They say the first step to recovery is admiting your faults. ;-) And, I'm pleased that you liked ...
by LaylaF
October 19th, 2010, 9:24 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Which opener grabs you the most? Women's fiction.
Replies: 24
Views: 7190

Re: Which opener grabs you the most? Women's fiction.

I liked the second one better. It seemed to move faster and I felt more energy. The first one had too many descriptive sentences for me. I got bored wading my way through the adjectives. The second one kept me moving.

hope that helps...
by LaylaF
October 19th, 2010, 6:45 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: I AM ANNA - First Five Pages
Replies: 6
Views: 1802

Re: I AM ANNA - First Five Pages

I LOVE it!! I was initially attracted to the title. And then as I read it, I literally sat on the edge of my seat. I hate to admit this, but I have been to alot of funerals in my life, and I can totally relate to this scene. People act weird at funerals, with loved ones dying and all. This makes me ...
by LaylaF
October 19th, 2010, 5:56 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Samantha Stokes and The Fantastical Journey
Replies: 9
Views: 3010

Re: Samantha Stokes and The Fantastical Journey

Thanks Notw. It's interesting that you suggested that I start w/the action outside of Granny's house. When I first developed this story in my mind...that's how it started...but when I went to write it...well, you can see what happened. Thanks so much for your thoughts! I really appreciate hearing th...
by LaylaF
October 19th, 2010, 1:39 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Samantha Stokes and The Fantastical Journey
Replies: 9
Views: 3010

Re: Samantha Stokes and The Fantastical Journey

Thanks for your comments, wordranger. They were very helpful. I do like to write with long complicated sentences followed by short ones. I guess it's because it's the way I like to read. It's not that I didn't edit it, it was intentional. But it may not be appropriate for the age group. So, that's g...
by LaylaF
October 19th, 2010, 1:27 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Forsaken Excerpt
Replies: 8
Views: 2286

Re: Forsaken Excerpt

I like what you wrote. My only suggestion would be to rough up the language used by the hag. Make it less clear, less precise and more mysterious. I felt that both her language and her message were too concise and well spoken for the character. It threw me off as I read it. I'd make it more fun and ...
by LaylaF
October 18th, 2010, 6:10 pm
Forum: Ask Nathan
Topic: Is it okay to use profanity in YA or MG novels?
Replies: 6
Views: 1529

Re: Is it okay to use profanity in YA or MG novels?

I just posted, on the Excerpts Feedback Forum, my first Chapter of my YA, WIP that was the subject of my question. It's titled Samantha Stokes and the Fantastical Journey. I'd love any and all comments! Thanks!
by LaylaF
October 18th, 2010, 5:56 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Samantha Stokes and The Fantastical Journey
Replies: 9
Views: 3010

Samantha Stokes and The Fantastical Journey

Hi.... This is my first chapter of a light-hearted, young adult adventure/fantasy. Any and all comments would be greatly appreciated! CHAPTER ONE I’ve come to the conclusion that there are certain days when it’s best not to get out of bed in the morning. Some days it’s better if you pull the covers ...
by LaylaF
October 8th, 2010, 3:39 pm
Forum: Ask Nathan
Topic: Is it okay to use profanity in YA or MG novels?
Replies: 6
Views: 1529

Re: Is it okay to use profanity in YA or MG novels?

Thanks J.T...you're right, well done in LEVIATHAN.

Just as an update, I have decided not to use real profanity in my YA novel...it just didn't feel right. And, now since I've taken it out, it seems much lighter and more apropo for the age group.

Thanks for your comments. Greatly appreciated.
by LaylaF
October 6th, 2010, 6:34 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: New Beginnings
Replies: 0
Views: 466

New Beginnings

New Beginnings I hate to admit this, but I love beginnings. No, I mean I really love beginnings. That first sentence, first paragraph, first page and maybe even that first chapter; in my mind it’s like starting an exciting new journey. There’s something exhilarating about capturing the feeling, the ...