Search found 24 matches

by Hyaline
June 14th, 2011, 10:03 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Courier--Young Adult Query--Round Two Posted :)
Replies: 8
Views: 1734

Re: The Courier--Young Adult Query--Round Two Posted :)

All right--thanks for your suggestions! Here's another go-round: It’s been a century since the Collapse, and the Colony is thriving. Seventeen-year-old Norah Falconer is set to apprentice under her father as Courier, becoming the first woman in the occupation. Despite her prowess navigating the fore...
by Hyaline
June 14th, 2011, 2:40 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Fantasy Query: THE DRAGON'S NEPHEW
Replies: 13
Views: 2297

Re: YA Fantasy Query: THE DRAGON'S NEPHEW

I've been working on this query for a while. I've gotten some great feedback, and I like this a lot more than previous versions. But I miss stuff. Any and all feedback is appreciated :) Please and thank you. --------------- Dear Agent, Chris Drake hunts dragons with an assault rifle. That’s a prett...
by Hyaline
June 14th, 2011, 11:40 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE ENEMY WITHIN (Historical Fiction): New Version - Page 3
Replies: 41
Views: 6123

Re: New Query: THE ENEMY WITHIN (Historical Fiction)

Hi! This has really developped nicely from the first go, so I only have a couple of nitpicks. Ignore at will :) I tried to iron out a few things in the last paragraph. But I wonder if it's more confusing or overkill. I could use some thoughts on this. I sent this query out to five agents on Thursday...
by Hyaline
June 14th, 2011, 10:17 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - The Falling
Replies: 12
Views: 2069

Re: Query - The Falling

Hi RMorris :) I noticed that you posted a second try, but I have to confess--I think this first round was better. That's my opinion, but from what I could gather from the posts, you have a multi-POV novel and were trying to fashion it into the general query template, which favors one POV. It's my op...
by Hyaline
June 13th, 2011, 8:16 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Courier--Young Adult Query--Round Two Posted :)
Replies: 8
Views: 1734

The Courier--Young Adult Query--Round Two Posted :)

Hi All! I'd appreciate any feedback or suggestions on the query for my young adult post-apocalyptic novel The Courier. Anything that's unclear, please point out--I've been too close to this for too long :) Thanks! *Edit* Revision Posted Below. It’s been a century since the Collapse, and the Colony i...
by Hyaline
June 13th, 2011, 8:04 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - "Annie and Will" - A Family Drama
Replies: 3
Views: 759

Re: Query - "Annie and Will" - A Family Drama

Hi John :) I'll take a stab at looking over your query--though be warned, I'm no expert :) Dear Ms. Carson, What happens when a sixteen-year-old girl and her eighteen-year-old adopted brother fall in love? I feel like I see the advice "never start with a rhetorical question" fairly often--and though...
by Hyaline
October 6th, 2010, 12:48 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Digging your Way out of Critique Group Pitfalls
Replies: 2
Views: 585

Re: Digging your Way out of Critique Group Pitfalls

Thanks, Sylvia! Great point--time is better spent working with writers you feel like you can actually help. I know I've felt that--not that a potential partner's work wasn't good (even really good) but that I just couldn't help them, because I Just Didn't Get It. Are there "it's not you, it's me" te...
by Hyaline
October 5th, 2010, 9:53 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: Digging your Way out of Critique Group Pitfalls
Replies: 2
Views: 585

Digging your Way out of Critique Group Pitfalls

Critique groups are pretty much the best thing to happen to a writer since the invention of moveable type. A communal effort where you gain on both sides of the exchange--your writing is improved when others look at it, and lo and behold, you improve your writing by looking at others' work! Incredib...
by Hyaline
August 31st, 2010, 8:23 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Blood and Stones Revision 1
Replies: 14
Views: 2206

Re: Query: Blood and Stones

Hi! I like how your voice comes out in this passage, and I love the concept--feels like classic noir meets paranormal. Love the twist on the genres. It's time I take the plunge, so go ahead and let me have it with both barrels, people. Knowledge isn't power; it's trouble. Occult Detective Matt Allen...
by Hyaline
August 30th, 2010, 5:35 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: December--Your Help Needed!
Replies: 9
Views: 1291

Re: Query: December--Your Help Needed!

Thank you all so much--I think I've got it, and your comments helped me so much as I worked to refine this. All the best, everyone!
by Hyaline
August 24th, 2010, 7:30 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: December--Your Help Needed!
Replies: 9
Views: 1291

Re: Query: December--Revision--Your Help (still) Needed!

Thanks so much for your help! It looks like I have a second problem--not wanting to give everything away, but still make the story intriguing. Thanks for helping me see that. Here's round two--hopefully clearer: It’s December 1945, but the first peacetime Christmas after World War II holds few tidin...
by Hyaline
August 24th, 2010, 2:36 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Silent No More
Replies: 22
Views: 3591

Re: Query: Silent No More

Agreed with wilderness when it comes to how to submit--can't hurt to have a proposal for those agents who might want it. I also agree that this should be your story, not a history, but--I do think any facts stated in the book should be as well-researched as possible. So, if a certain court case or p...
by Hyaline
August 24th, 2010, 1:26 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query- Riding on the Tail of the Devil
Replies: 29
Views: 4100

Re: Query- Riding on the Tail of the Devil

Wow--nice job with the edit. This is much clearer now for the most part, so great work! I've made comments inline in spots. Here's my new letter. ------------------------------------------------ Dear Agent: RIDING ON THE TAIL OF THE DEVIL is an 80,000 word fantasy featuring vampires, reincarnation, ...
by Hyaline
August 24th, 2010, 1:16 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Silent No More
Replies: 22
Views: 3591

Re: Query: Silent No More

Whoops--forgot to mention--I think I've mostly read that, unlike most other forms of nonfiction, you query memoir like you query fiction--that is, unless the agent specifies otherwise, you need a complete manuscript rather than a proposal. Sorry for missing that detail--anyone know anything else abo...
by Hyaline
August 24th, 2010, 8:38 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Silent No More
Replies: 22
Views: 3591

Re: Query: Silent No More

First off, you deserve huge kudos for your courage in writing about this--hats off to you. I think the first three short paragraphs are great--I read without stopping through "I was one of them" which was very gripping. Only nitpick would be that The "Pentagon investigates, unit commanders try to fi...