Search found 32 matches

by theepicwinner
April 19th, 2012, 6:16 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
Replies: 14
Views: 3344

Re: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel

Okay, forget the last one, here's a brand new one from scratch. I think I'm improving but I'm beginning to worry I'm sacrificing my voice. When a peculiar couple moves into the derelict house across the street, Mona Black, the only kid resident of the Dullest Place in the Universe, is certain they h...
by theepicwinner
April 18th, 2012, 3:31 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
Replies: 14
Views: 3344

Re: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel

Alright, here's a new version. When a peculiar couple moves into the derelict house across the street, twelve-year-old Mona Black, the only kid resident of the Dullest Place in the Universe, is certain her new neighbours have something to hide. Mona’s unscrupulous neighbours, the Beatniks, have unco...
by theepicwinner
April 18th, 2012, 12:38 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
Replies: 14
Views: 3344

Re: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel

Rather than them pushing her in because she discovers their secret, how about them moving into the house next to hers on the instruction of the reflection Nail on the head - that's the real reason they've moved in. Mona learns this much, much later. I'm going to take another stab at it and I'll pos...
by theepicwinner
April 18th, 2012, 9:35 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
Replies: 14
Views: 3344

Re: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel

To answer your questions: Begs the question WHY? The couple act very suspiciously, leading Mona to believe they are up to something. What is in it for them? Why do they have this secret? What does knowing about the Other Place do for them? Their job is to stop reflections coming into Mona's world. (...
by theepicwinner
April 16th, 2012, 5:39 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
Replies: 14
Views: 3344

Re: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel

Thanks so so much for your help guys. Here's a revised version. I think I need to rework the last couple of paragraphs but I'm not entirely sure how to do so. When a peculiar couple moves into the derelict house across the street, twelve - but almost thirteen - year old Mona Black, the only kid resi...
by theepicwinner
April 15th, 2012, 4:58 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
Replies: 14
Views: 3344

Re: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel

Thank you jaktt12, I really appreciate the help!
by theepicwinner
April 14th, 2012, 8:40 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
Replies: 14
Views: 3344

Re: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel

Thanks ellisrae, that helps a lot!
by theepicwinner
April 13th, 2012, 9:41 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: After Life, Inc.
Replies: 7
Views: 1400

Re: Query: After Life, Inc.

Dear [insert name of agent/publisher], In a world where death is not an end, but a new beginning, 19-year-old Clara Jean Fitzgerald and 20-year-old Joshua Turner battle a corrupt system that promises a blissful and eternal after life through a computer program for anyone who can pay, while those wh...
by theepicwinner
April 13th, 2012, 6:22 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 720
Views: 271902

Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Title: Spurned Genre: Fantasy (Children's) Word Count: 237 If Elisa Beatnik thrived at anything, it was making bad first impressions. She had them down to an exact science. First, she'd throw on the most obnoxious outfit possible. A mink coat, a nose ring, a bleach-blond wig. Not to mention the pink...
by theepicwinner
April 13th, 2012, 2:37 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
Replies: 14
Views: 3344

SPURNED - children's fantasy novel

Every family has a secret. When a peculiar couple moves in to the derelict, uninhabitable house across the street, Mona Black, the only kid resident of the Dullest Place in the Universe, otherwise known as Wycherly Terrace, is certain they have something to hide. What she discovers is something not ...
by theepicwinner
April 13th, 2012, 2:33 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 213
Views: 116362

Re: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Everybody has a secret. When a peculiar couple moves into the derelict house across the street, Mona Black, the only kid resident of Wycherly Terrace, or as Mona likes to call it, the Dullest Place in the Universe, is certain her new neighbours have something to hide. What she discovers is something...
by theepicwinner
October 23rd, 2010, 7:41 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 38162

Re: Share your opening sentence!

For Mona Blackintosh's thirteenth birthday she got a crazed maniac wielding a butcher knife.

From my current WIP, a YA fantasy.
by theepicwinner
October 10th, 2010, 7:32 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 38162

Re: Share your opening sentence!

I'll be interpreting "sentence" as "paragraph". This is the beginning of book 1 of my kids' fantasy adventure trilogy. THE MONSTER APPRENTICE I awoke from a dead sleep – for once, a sleep without nightmares. My bedroom was pitch black and silent, but my heart was racing. Then the sound came again –...
by theepicwinner
October 10th, 2010, 7:29 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 38162

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Opening sentience from my current WIP. The sun rose over the eastern horizon spreading its light over volcanic mountain glass that glistened in the sun’s rays. I have a natural aversion to books that begin with a description of the weather. And I know exactly why. They bore the hell out of me. I ho...
by theepicwinner
October 10th, 2010, 7:25 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 38162

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Current WIP:

It didn't take very long for Mona to come to the conclusion her father was trying to kill her.