Search found 7 matches

by Camden
August 13th, 2010, 11:21 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 41295

Re: Share your opening sentence!

It still does. Bruise is not a color or shade normally and to invoke it ties in nicely. However to just say bruise-like is a bit curious. To say the day felt like a bruise is perhaps a simile that we can accept. To say that the day was bruise-like is a bit confusing and makes us wonder 'wait how is ...
by Camden
August 13th, 2010, 4:25 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 41295

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Perhaps bruise-colored?
by Camden
August 13th, 2010, 3:49 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 41295

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Feel free to send me all the comments you have privately. I think second person seems a little amateurish, which I suppose I am, except that I did it on purpose. I'm always wondering about all things.
by Camden
August 13th, 2010, 2:50 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 41295

Re: Share your opening sentence!

The tall grasses whipped and bit against his legs as Caius ran flat out through the fields. Seeing as you got skipped, I'll weigh in. Hmmm, a 7, I think. As you said, not incredibly exciting, but I think that's okay. It does have sensory detail to draw me in and it does bring up the question of why...
by Camden
August 13th, 2010, 9:31 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 41295

Re: Share your opening sentence!

And I have now changed it to: I was sure my spine was going to break this time – like chains wrapped around my stomach being pulled by horses on each side, forcing me to hold my breath. Grr, you skipped me. Well I certainly cringed this time. On second thought, this kind of an opening would make a ...
by Camden
August 10th, 2010, 12:01 am
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 720
Views: 283010

Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Title: Pilgrims of the Southern Cross Genre: soft science fiction Words: 212 March 14th, 2337 The tall grasses whipped and bit against his legs as Caius ran flat out through the fields. It was the sort of run where all the anxiety and stress of a lifetime would melt down out of your chest and heart,...
by Camden
August 10th, 2010, 12:01 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 41295

Re: Share your opening sentence!

ninafromnorway: 6/10 I've run into this issue describing pain. There are few words synonymous to pain so the word loses its impact as soon as you use it because we've all heard it used before. Paper cut = pain. Chopped off leg = pain. Playful pinches = pain. Then comes the shooting pain, then shooti...