Search found 7 matches
Search found 7 matches • Page 1 of 1
Not harsh at all, and thank you for the cookie. :B *munches happily* I finally found out why this chapter is absolutely driving me insane. It's that switching that you pointed out and I think I'm going to toss out the narrator on this one and just focus on Marianne. Just having that in mind gives me...
Hello there! I have having a lot of difficulty with this chapter, which is actually the second chapter of my book, The Crimson Ideal. The first is a little over 250 words and serves as a prologue, but this is where our characters are introduced. So I'm offering this up for you all to tear apart and ...
Second sentence: “Anywhere, anywhere but there.” Try just one ‘anywhere’ or put one of them in italics. The sentence doesn’t seem to have the punch for me right now without having that emphasis. Your second paragraph really pulls me in. I want to keep reading after your wonderful descriptions of the...
- August 4th, 2010, 2:59 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: 2nd attempt query The Adventures of Puckatoo - MG
- Replies: 9
- Views: 1379
Hi! I’m rather new, but I’ll give it a go. I love your first sentence. It gets my attention and makes me read right into the letter. However, in your second sentence I’m getting tripped up on “squirrels on the run” and I feel it should be altered or another example entirely should be used. With your...
- August 4th, 2010, 2:23 am
- Forum: Town Hall
- Topic: The Introduction Thread
- Replies: 630
- Views: 240725
No hockey? *dons Canadian hat* I am officially More Canadian than a Canadian, like Smarter than a Fifth Grader. *waves hello* My name is LeAnne and I'm an 18 year old International Business major at the University of South Carolina. I'm currently working on the final chapters of a piece of literary ...
- August 3rd, 2010, 11:27 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Replies: 720
- Views: 311432
Title: The Crimson Ideal Genre: Literary Fiction Word Count: 257 There is an elegant house with lonely windows and desolate doors that sits inside its gate, surrounded by a field of the most beautiful roses. It has a vibrant appearance, for appearance's sake, but weaves a web of deceit upon the room...