Search found 9 matches

by RoarShark
June 20th, 2011, 11:23 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: YA Scifi, first page
Replies: 3
Views: 1455

Re: YA Scifi, first page

You have something real interesting here. Hopefully the few things I have to say will help. You might try a different way of introducing terms such a Spo. You use it several times in ways that make it hard to understand what the term is actually referring to. Critique please? I'm working on my secon...
by RoarShark
June 20th, 2011, 11:02 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: YA Fantasy First Page
Replies: 5
Views: 1676

Re: YA Fantasy First Page

I updated the first post with revisions.
by RoarShark
June 20th, 2011, 4:20 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: YA Fantasy First Page
Replies: 5
Views: 1676

Re: YA Fantasy First Page

I noticed a few more technical things I didn't comment on in my notes because I wasn't sure where to put them. First: you frequently use saidisms and adverbs along with your said verbs. Most of them you didn't need. The dialogue itself conveyed the tone well enough. I'm not one of those writers who...
by RoarShark
June 17th, 2011, 11:36 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: YA Fantasy First Page
Replies: 5
Views: 1676

YA Fantasy First Page

Hi. I am rather new to posting on these forums. I used to come by occasionally a while ago, but never stayed for long. I just finished my second manuscript, which is actually just a rewrite of my original. This rewrite follows a whole new style, and in several places it follows a brand new plot. Any...
by RoarShark
February 12th, 2011, 11:54 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: u
Replies: 3
Views: 1431

Re: Don't Forget To Buy Wands, People.

The character of the principal is great. Hopefully you will expand upon him. Now is this the beginning of the novel/story? If so I think it is kinda rushed into things, just a tad though. Have you thought of starting off with Evan and Cassandra being called down to the principal's office? It might j...
by RoarShark
August 2nd, 2010, 9:03 pm
Forum: Ask Nathan
Topic: Old Ask Nathan Thread
Replies: 793
Views: 224313

Re: Ask Nathan

Nathan, I saw earlier in this thread and in your blog that you said that it is not best for first time authors who have not gotten anything published yet to not write series. Well when I began writing my manuscript I set it up so that it would become a series, but I am now questioning whether or no...
by RoarShark
August 2nd, 2010, 3:36 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query -- The Final King (YA/Fantasy)
Replies: 5
Views: 943

Re: Query -- The Final King (YA/Fantasy)

Hi, Below I have put a copy of my query that I have been working on and have sent to a few agents so far. I haven't gotten any replies so far, but I would like to know if there is anything I could add that would make this appeal more. Also is there anything else I should add? Dear Agent, The world ...
by RoarShark
August 2nd, 2010, 2:41 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query -- The Final King (YA/Fantasy)
Replies: 5
Views: 943

Query -- The Final King (YA/Fantasy)

Hi, Below I have put a copy of my query that I have been working on and have sent to a few agents so far. I haven't gotten any replies so far, but I would like to know if there is anything I could add that would make this appeal more. Also is there anything else I should add? Dear Agent, The world o...
by RoarShark
July 28th, 2010, 5:06 pm
Forum: Ask Nathan
Topic: Old Ask Nathan Thread
Replies: 793
Views: 224313

Re: Ask Nathan

Nathan, I saw earlier in this thread and in your blog that you said that it is not best for first time authors who have not gotten anything published yet to not write series. Well when I began writing my manuscript I set it up so that it would become a series, but I am now questioning whether or not...